Only His Read online

  Evernight Publishing ®

  www.evernightpublishing.com

  Copyright© 2016 Jenika Snow

  ISBN: 978-1-77233-817-1

  Cover Artist: Jay Aheer

  Editor: Karyn White

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

  WARNING: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.

  This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, and places are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  ONLY HIS

  Jenika Snow

  Copyright © 2016

  Chapter One

  She’s mine and she’ll find that out soon enough.

  He kept saying that in his head over and over again, the mantra making this animal rise up in him, primitive, possessive, angry that he couldn’t control himself the way he wanted to. David didn’t want desires and needs to dictate how he acted, but when it came to Gillian he had no control, it seemed.

  His obsession for Gillian was so strong inside of him, so powerful, that David let it grow, and didn’t want it to stop or dim. He let it consume him until she was all he thought about anymore. He watched her, made sure she was safe, that no motherfuckers touched her. He could admit it was creepy as hell, made him a stalker, but he didn’t care. She was his world, whether she knew it or not. David didn’t care that their past might be considered controversial, that she had been something different to him back in the day.

  He might not know when his desire for her had gotten so out of control, but he knew the exact moment his need to make sure she was safe began to control him. He could see that day so clearly in his head, knew it had been the defining moment in his life where he had said fuck everything else aside from Gillian. It was years ago, well after he’d gotten the divorce from Gillian’s mother, but to him it was still so fresh, so raw.

  David sat in the car, the sun setting, the lights on the art gallery bright and casting a glow on the sidewalk in front of the building. He could see her inside, speaking with a young man, the same little asshole that worked there with her. David’s jealousy over Gillian was like a living beast inside of him, threatening to take his control until there was just this primal, animalistic need inside of him.

  Like clockwork she lifted her hand in a wave toward the prick, left the gallery, and went to her car. David scanned the surroundings, made sure no one was going to fuck with her, and only when she was in the car did he exhale. The gallery was decent, but it wasn’t in the best neighborhood. She started the car, and before she pulled out of the driveway, his cell went off. Only glancing down long enough to grab it and look at the screen, his need beat through him stronger at the fact it was Gillian calling him.

  She trusted him, and that made his desire for her in all things beat like a war drum in his body.

  “Are you okay?” was the first thing he said even though he was staring right at her, unbeknownst to her.

  “Hi to you, too, David,” she said in her very feminine voice, a chuckle coming from her. “I just wanted to ask if you’d want to go with me to this gallery opening next weekend.”

  He kept his focus on her car, watched as she pulled out of the lot, and did the same. He wanted to make sure she got home okay, and although following her, watching her, was so over the fucking line, he couldn’t stop himself. He did have a job, and although that meant he couldn’t watch her every second of the day, he did want to make sure she was protected.

  You’re crossing the fucking line, doing illegal shit, and if she ever found out she wouldn’t want anything to do with you.

  “You know I’m not into that art shit,” he said, but he would have been there anyway.

  “I know, but it’s a pretty big turnout for a well-known artist, and I thought a little cultural experience might do you some good.”

  He could tell by her voice she was smiling. “I’m sure you have someone closer you’d like to take, maybe a friend from school?” He tightened his hold on the steering wheel, kept a good distance back from her car, and watched as she pulled down her street. Fortunately, she only lived a little more than ten minutes away, but still far enough she wasn’t still in the shitty part of town.

  “Sure, I could ask some of my girlfriends, but I know you don’t get out of the house much.”

  If she only knew.

  He pulled his car to a stop down the street from the small house she rented, cut the lights, but kept the engine running. Gillian got out of the car and headed inside, all the while talking to him on the phone and not knowing what a son-of-a-bitch he was.

  “Whatever you want. Just tell me the time and place and I’ll be there.”

  Once he knew she was safe in the house he drove back home. After he spoke with her for a few more minutes, he finally ended the call, and drove the rest of the way in silence, his thoughts on her.

  David was a motherfucker, he knew that, knew that watching her, following her, and being an all around piece of shit stalker would ruin the relationship they had. But he couldn’t stop himself. Gillian looked at him as a friend, and he knew it could never be anything more than that on her end. More than likely she saw him as the man who’d been married to her mother back in the day, and because of that, because of the relationship they’d had, the “parental” responsibilities he’d had toward her, she could never see him as what he really wanted.

  But despite that he couldn’t stop what he was doing, couldn’t make his desire and emotions for her any less real or intense.

  Once he was back at his place he shut the front door and looked around the barren existence of his life. He was fucking exhausted, had been up for the last twenty-four hours because of work and making sure Gillian was okay, but he knew it would be a bitch to fall asleep. On a good day he got four hours of sleep, and the rest of the time … well, insomnia was his companion.

  Walking over to the kitchen cupboard and getting out the bottle of vodka he kept on hand, he didn’t even bother with a glass. Instead he went to his room, shut the door, and got undressed. Lying on his bed against the headboard, with only his briefs on, staring at the ceiling, and drinking straight from the bottle of liquor, he focused on a small crack in the corner of the room.

  David had thought about just coming clean with Gillian many times, to explain his desire for her, the lengths he’d go to make her safe … to make her his in all ways. But he’d always stopped himself, wanting her in his life, even if that meant he had to be in the shadows. Would she understand why he did what he did? Would she understand that after her attack something in him had changed, shifted? It had been that moment that changed everything for him. Although before that, when he saw the beautiful, intelligent woman she’d grown into, he’d started to fall for her, it hadn’t been until he saw her being hurt, forced, that a switch had gone off in him.

  He tipped the bottle back, taking a long pull from it, and scrubbing a hand over his hair. He was too old for this shit, to be following a woman around like a fucking asshole.

  Where it concerns Gillian there are no lengths we won’t go.

  That voice played through in his head, far stronger than even his common sense and rationalization. He was fucked, but the dark part of him wanted to be covered in those shadows.

  Chapter Two

  “Come on, Gillian.” Brian grabbed her wrist forcefully and yanked her forward.

  She’d only had two beers, but she felt like she was drowning, like the world was turning and she couldn’t grasp onto anything. “Leave me alone,” she said, but her voice sounded slurred even to her. Blinking back the dizziness, trying to ge
t her vision to clear, became pointless. In fact, it made it worse. Placing her hand on the wall to steady herself, she tried pulling her hand free from Brian’s hold. He was so much stronger than she was, or maybe she was just too fucked up?

  Either way, struggling was only making her feel even worse.

  “You know how long I’ve wanted you?” Brian said, his mouth right by her ear now, his hot, humid breath brushing along her cheek.

  She shook her head, squeezed her eyes shut, and tried to push him away. “I don’t want this, Brian,” she tried to say clearly. “This isn’t right.”

  “Oh, it’s right, baby.” He pulled her even harder against him, and his arousal for her was clear, disgusting, and her fear rose.

  “No, Brian.” She placed her hands on his chest and pushed him away. But Brian obviously didn’t care if this was consensual or not.

  “This was the length I’d go to have you.”

  She didn’t know what he meant by that, but before she could question him she was spun around and tossed onto the bed. She went to stand up, but he pushed her back down.

  “I hate that I had to get you like this, but you kept turning me down, Gillian.” Brian sounded urgent, desperate, and Gillian’s fear rose even higher. She knew where this was going, and as much as she wanted to fight him, to stop it, her arms and length felt so damn heavy, her mind foggy, confused.

  He drugged me.

  That realization had her blood running cold.

  Her cell phone dug into her from her back pocket, and trying to focus, she saw Brian was busy getting undressed, his side to her. She reached for her phone, and after the second attempt she was able to pull it out of her pocket. Getting to the keypad and dialing someone’s number was harder than she thought, but it was David’s name that came up first, and she knew if anyone could help her it was him.

  Pushing the send button on his number, she glanced up at Brian and saw he was about to face her. She tucked the phone to her side, didn’t know if David would be up at this hour, but she hoped, prayed.

  “I don’t want this, Brian. Please.” Could he even understand her? In her mind the words sounded clear, but coming out of her mouth was a different story. They felt thick, hard to even pronounce, and when Brian grinned she knew he either couldn’t understand her, or he didn’t give a fuck.

  Probably both.

  Was David on the line? And then saying to hell with it, because she needed to get out of this, she turned and grabbed her phone, which was partially under her.

  “David,” she tried to say his name. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried again. “I need help. He’s going to rape—”

  Brian snatched the phone from her and tossed it against the wall. She saw pieces scatter around, and her entire body tensed.

  “Fuck, Gillian,” Brian said, sounded even more desperate. And then he was on the bed, onto of her, pinning her body down with his, and kissing the side of her neck.

  She couldn’t stop this, and that was the scariest thing of all.

  Gillian opened her eyes, stared at her bedroom ceiling, and breathed through the temporary panic that assaulted her. She had the nightmare every once in a while, and although she’d gotten therapy, and was, for the most part, healed, there were still times that night came back to haunt her.

  She sat up, trying to calm her racing heart, and got up to go to the bathroom. Turning on the light and placing her hands on the sink, Gillian stared at her reflection. Her black hair was a matted mess around her face, sweat causing a lot of it to stick to her cheeks and forehead, and the dark circles under her eyes looking like she’d gotten the shit kicked out of her.

  “You’re stronger than this,” she whispered to her reflection. Turning the faucet on and washing her face, she knew coping techniques to keep the panic and past from claiming her. She had moved on with her life since then, and although it had been seven years ago, when she’d been twenty, she knew that a trauma like that never fully left a person.

  Going back to the bed, she sat on the edge and stared at her cell phone. When the nightmare came back, the first person she thought about was David. He’d been the one person to stop Brian, to make sure she’d been safe. He’d also been the one to kick the shit out of Brian, to send him to the hospital with a broken nose and jaw, and fractured arm, and dislocated knee. Brian had looked like someone had taken a meat pounder to his face, but she hadn’t cared. The boy she’d gone to high school with, had thought was her friend, had drugged and nearly raped her. For all she cared he could have fallen off a cliff and she would have stood there watching his descent.

  She knew David would have accepted her call anytime of the day. He’d been there for her all the way back when he’d been briefly married to her mother. But that had been so long ago. Even then he’d been a friend, and not a father figure. She had a dad already, didn’t need another one, and she’d been happy and content to have someone she could talk to. But sadly the marriage hadn’t lasted that long. Even though that had been so long ago, she still kept in contact with him and considered him the closest person in her life. With her mother traveling Europe and Asia with her new boyfriend, hardly keeping in contact as it was, Gillian didn’t have a lot of people she trusted. Aside from David, she didn’t have anyone she felt comfortable speaking with about her problems, about the things that had happened.

  David’s always been there for me, never lost contact, and I love him.

  Yes, she loved him as a friend, but what she’d never told anyone, what she would never tell a soul, or show outwardly, was that she was in love with David, had been since that moment he pulled Brian off of her, and she watched David beat the shit out of him.

  A part of her thought it was wrong for her to feel anything sexual toward a man that had been in her life technically as her stepfather. Although she never saw him in that capacity, and she knew he had never seen her as a daughter, it still seemed wrong, taboo even.

  Not calling him, even though she knew he’d be there for her, she lay back on the bed. Gillian breathed out and scrubbed her hands over her face, knowing she wouldn’t be getting back to sleep after the nightmare. She never did.

  Of course her thoughts went to Brian, as they did every time she was woken up by the past. She didn’t know where he was right now, and didn’t care. It might have been seven years, but she remembered that night like it was yesterday. A little voice inside of her said Brian remembered that night, too, given the fact he was no doubt scarred from the beat down by David.

  Turning on her side she thought about David that night, about how fierce and strong he’d been, at the fact he’d done what he’d done to protect her. They’d gotten closer after that, not sexually, but just … closer. They were as connected as two people who had gone through a traumatic event could be. He was the one person she could talk to about whatever. He never judged, never looked down on her. Gillian wanted to spend time with him, but was too afraid to broach that subject, explain that the kind of time she wanted to explore with him was not on a “friends only” basis.

  “It is what it is,” she whispered in the darkness.

  If she never had David in that way, she was content to at least have him in her life as a friend. A world without him in it seemed pretty damn bleak.

  Chapter Three

  “I don’t like this,” he said while looking Gillian in the eyes.

  “David, I’ll be fine. It’s just a couple of friends hanging out at O’Donnell’s.” She smiled, but it didn’t ease him in the slightest. “I can send you a text if you want, once I get home?”

  He nodded, not admitting that he’d be watching her, making sure no fuckers messed with her. It had been seven years since that motherfucker laid his hands on her, and ever since then David had been overprotective, he could admit that. But knowing she was putting herself in this situation, going to a bar on a Friday night that was known to get rowdy, didn’t ease up the darkness in him.

  “O’Donnell’s isn’t safe, Gillian.” He leaned back in the ch
air. It was the afternoon, the sun shining through her kitchen window, and he was on his way to work. Owning his own contracting business allowed him to come and go as he pleased, and when he wasn’t working in the office or from home, he was making sure Gillian wasn’t fucked with.

  “David,” she said, leaving a stretch of silence between them before continuing. “Is there any place that’s really safe?” She lifted a brow, clearly challenging him.

  “No, not when it concerns you.” He wasn’t joking, not when it concerned Gillian’s wellbeing. “I thought you would have come to realize that by now?”

  She sighed and leaned back in the chair. “I should, I know, but…” She was silent after that for several moments, but he didn’t push her into continuing, didn’t try to force anything from her. “I know you are worried about me because of what happened, David.”

  He didn’t respond, just stared into her hazel eyes. Yeah, he was worried about her. He did that every damn second of every fucking day. But he didn’t want her knowing the actual lengths he’d go to ensure she was safe. And he didn’t want to talk about what that fucker had tried to do to her … what he had done to her. That would just piss him off to the point he’d need to get his aggression out at the gym, or better yet find someone that wanted to start shit with him.

  “I know you worry about me more than you should, but I want you to know,” she reached out and placed her hand on his. “I value our friendship more than you’ll ever know. You’re my best friend, the only person I can really talk to. But I’m also a big girl, not foolish, well, not anymore,” she said and smiled. “Anyway, I just want you to know that I’m okay.”

  His entire body tightened, his cock hardening, but he kept his cool. No way was he going to lose it or show her what he felt. That would scare her off, and that was the last thing he wanted.