Lucien's War Read online

  He took another shot and felt the lingering pain in his thigh start to grow numb. Since the cult members had shot him all those months ago in the abandoned warehouse, his recovery had been slow going. Although Lucien was a stubborn asshole, refusing to do the physical therapy that Molly suggested he take part in, he was getting back to his old self. He worked out with the other members, taking it easy, but still working out with them. There were times when he was having a difficult time with the stiffness in his leg, but it was also only three months out from nearly dying.

  Lucien watched as Kink took Cookie around the waist and pulled her close. He kissed her like no one was watching, that or he didn’t give a shit who saw him mouth-fuck his woman. What was sad was the fact Lucien hadn’t even been able to get it up since he had taken Callie back to his place. He’d tried with a couple of club pussies, even tried to tag team two of them with Ruin, but he hadn’t been able to get his dick hard. Fuck, he was sexually frustrated, needed to get laid, and was pissed because he knew the only woman that would be able to help him in that department was one he could never have.

  “You want a hit, prez?” Rook asked and handed Lucien the joint.

  Lucien shook his head and stood. “Nah, I think I’m going to go work out, because as it is this alcohol isn’t helping my nerves, and I’m not in the mood to fuck.” Well, he was in the mood to fuck, if he could be able to be with the woman he wanted. Callie will never be in your reach. Lucien took another swig from the bottle, not about to tell anyone the reason he couldn’t get his dick hard.

  He moved past the guys playing pool, walked around the club girls dancing in front of some of the prospects, and walked past Kink and Cookie.

  “Lucien,” Kink called out.

  He tensed, but turned around. For the last several months he had steered clear of Callie, not because he wanted to, but because it was the smart thing to do. When he had seen her at her mother’s funeral, he’d had to stop himself from going to her and holding her the whole time she cried. He had talked to her, although briefly, but touching her opened up something inside of him. It made him want to tell her he’d make sure everything was okay, that he would never let anyone hurt her, because she was his, and always would be. But she wasn’t his, and never would be. He couldn’t betray Kink, couldn’t go against club rules that said a brother was never to fuck with another member’s family in any sexual way, even if that family member wanted them. Daughters were off limits, yet Lucien wanted Kink’s eighteen-year-old one with a fierceness that was so damn intense he felt like he was going to go off the hinge. But even wanting Callie was betraying Kink, even if the brother had no clue the thoughts Lucien really had.

  “You feeling okay?” Kink said.

  “I’m good. Just got a lot on my mind these days.”

  Kink nodded, still with his arm around Cookie, but had this concerned look on his face. “Yeah, I know the feeling. Callie will be heading off to college for the weekend. Some kind of orientation thing or some shit, and man, I tell you, I’m already freaking out.” Kink rubbed the back of his neck, and Cookie smiled.

  Lucien felt this tightness in his gut, had this itchiness under his skin, and knew that he shouldn’t be feeling this way over Callie leaving. This was good for her, and the fact he had kept his distance, and that she was moving away from all of this were good things. He stared at the man he considered a brother, his VP, and the father of the woman he knew he cared about more than any other female in the entire fucking planet. He was toeing the line on this, and if he did what he really wanted to do, then he’d be crossing it, hurting Kink, and possibly bringing his club down from the ramifications of it all. To tell his VP what had happened all those months ago now seemed pointless, but as he stared at the other man, he opened his mouth, about to tell Kink everything. There should be no secrets between them, yet he had kept something like this from her father, all because of what? Because he was hard up for her? Because she had asked him not to? No, it was because he loved Callie, and cared about Kink, and saying anything would be disastrous.

  Yeah, he loved her, fucking loved her more than he had a right to. He had never cared about a woman for more than a few hours at a time, screwing them to show his affection, and then walking away. He could be a cold, cruel bastard, but with Callie he wanted to show her that he could be gentle, that he wasn’t made up of all violence. That was what she deserved.

  “Kink, man,” Lucien said and swallowed past the lump in his throat. He couldn’t keep this a secret anymore, because already so much time had passed.

  “Hey,” Pierce shouted out, his drunken ass weaving toward them, beer bottle held high. “We need to get this fucking party started, get some pussy up in here for some action, and get my horny ass fixed up.” Pierce pushed between Kink and Lucien, set his beer bottle on the counter, and gestured for another from the prospect behind the counter.

  “And that’s our cue to get the fuck out of here,” Kink said and took Cookie away from the bar. He clapped Lucien on the shoulder as he passed, but instead of Lucien speaking up he leaned on the bar and sighed.

  God, what a fucking pussy he was.

  Lucien stared at the front door and watched as Kink and his old lady left. He was fucked up, and needed to get out of here and clear his head. Turning away from the bar he saw Pepper, one of the club girls, moving toward him, this smile on her face, and her tits barely restrained under her top. Having no sex for this long was hard as fuck, but he was not about to go there with club pussy, or any other woman for that matter. He needed to figure out what the fuck he was going to do, and how he was going to get Callie off the brain.

  “Hey there,” Pepper said with this seductive grin on her face, and her hands already moving toward his chest. He took hold of her wrists and pushed her away.

  “No, Pepper.” Lucien turned and grabbed the shot the prospect gave him. After downing it, he knew he needed to get the fuck out of here.

  “Come on, Lucien. It’s been a long damn time since you were with me,” Pepper said on a pout. “I want to feel that big ol’ dick filling me up, baby.” She grinned, her eyes slightly bloodshot, and the scent of stale cigarettes covered her. “You got someone else?”

  Yes.

  “I have whiskey dick, so it ain’t happening tonight.” Of course that was a lie, because he could have gotten hard for Callie in a fucking second, rock hard like steel just by thinking about her. And damn, he was getting a stiffie right now just as the thought of Callie slammed into his head.

  “Really? Because, baby, you look like you’re ready to go.” Pepper grabbed his crotch, and he moved away.

  That wasn’t for her, for damn sure. Shaking his head at Pepper, he turned before she started grinding herself on him and headed out of the clubhouse. He’d go to his place, work out until he couldn’t see straight, shower, and then rub one off while thinking about the woman that made him feel so damn on edge, and so possessive at just the thought of her. He hoped in the morning things would look a little clearer, but he wasn’t holding his breath.

  Chapter Three

  The clubhouse was quiet, but Callie was thankful for that. It was pretty early in the morning, and although she figured either the guys at the clubhouse would be asleep or, she hoped, not there, she wasn’t holding her breath. Most likely she’d see some naked club pussy lying around, beer bottles lining on the ground, and smell the stench of spilled booze and pot filling the air.

  She had seen Lucien’s Harley parked outside, but she hadn’t noticed any other bikes or even vehicles on club property. She had gotten off lucky if Lucien was, in fact, here and alone, but the more realistic scenario was that there would be a club whore draped over him like a blanket.

  Callie hadn’t been thinking straight when she got in her car, the back packed with an overnight bag for her weekend trip to Baker, and then headed on the road. College was the last thing on her mind, even three months later, because she still thought about her mom, and still wanted Lucien. These last few months
had made her realize he was most definitely either avoiding her, or she had been totally off base in thinking he reciprocated her feelings.

  God, Callie actually loved him. Even after that one time where she stayed at Lucien’s house because she had been too drunk to go home, and hadn’t known whom else to go to, Lucien had only been innocent and protective in his actions toward her. He had made sure she was safe, had protected her when some thugs had tried to take advantage of her in her inebriated state, and although he was so much older than she was and was her father’s club president, she still wanted him. He was all she thought about, all she craved. Not even spending time with her friend Ian could help distract her from what she wanted, and that was a too-old-for-her biker club president.

  After saying goodbye for the weekend to Cookie and her dad, Callie had intended just to go right to the university, but then she had found herself pulling into the driveway of The Brothers of Menace clubhouse. She shouldn’t have come here, but she had to say goodbye to Lucien, because after this weekend she’d come home, pack up her shit, and then head off to college for good. She’d put this town and him behind her, and try to start her life.

  Moving through the clubhouse proved that it was empty, but that didn’t stop her from continuing toward the meeting room, or wondering where everyone was. She was just thankful she wouldn’t have to answer any questions as to why she had come here, or risk one of the members telling her dad that she had come to talk to Lucien. But the truth was she hadn’t even thought about any of that as she drove here. No one knew what had happened to her and Lucien, how he had saved her and let her crash at his place. Although they hadn’t done anything, he hadn’t told Kink, as per her request. Although she had told Lucien she’d tell her dad, she hadn’t yet. She was afraid of her father’s anger toward a situation that hadn’t been anything but innocent, of what it would do to his relationship with Lucien, and the fact he would jump to conclusions. Maybe because the clubhouse was empty aside from Lucien was fate trying to help her out?

  Wishful thinking on her part.

  She went into the meeting room, but it was empty. The sound of something in the back hallway had her turning and moving toward that direction. She made her way forward as if her mind and body were disconnected, and her need to do this drove her forward. She meant to just tell him goodbye, but maybe her need to see him, and the fact she was actually telling him she was leaving, would have him finally opening up to her? Whether he told her that he didn’t want her, or finally admitted that he wanted her, too, she needed to hear him say something. Callie needed him to tell her anything. She had this feeling in the pit f her stomach every time she thought about him, every time she saw him. It grew with each passing day, consumed her, and it was close to bursting from her and taking her down.

  Making her way forward, she followed the light noise that could be heard behind one of the doors at the end of the hallway. It was slightly ajar, and when she pushed it open a little more it was to see Lucien’s powerful and tattooed muscular back. He was sitting at a small desk, and although she couldn’t see what he was doing, she heard the sound of clicking and thunking metal against the table. She knew the sounds well, had heard them in her dad’s house when he was cleaning his guns. Lucien was shirtless, and the jeans he wore were low on his narrow hips. God, she could remember what the front of him looked like all those months ago when she had been at his house and he stepped out of his bedroom. He had just gotten out of the shower, his massively muscular body toned and covered in tattoos. And then there had been the Brothers of Menace patch tattoo in the center of his chest, so big, so powerful, and screaming that he was dangerous.

  Swallowing past the nervousness, she knocked on his door. He turned just his head and looked over his shoulder at her, and although she knew she was probably the last person he expected to see, he showed no emotion.

  “Callie?” He said her name in that deep voice of his, the one that she had imagined many times over when she closed her eyes. He stood and turned, and she let her gaze travel over his chest. The Brothers of Menace patch tattoo took up the center of his chest, and she felt herself grow warm at the sight of his muscular and powerful form standing in front of her. He was so big compared to her, and although she had never considered herself a tiny thing, compared to him she felt just like that. They stared at each other, and after an awkward few seconds he finally spoke again.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I…” She licked her lips, glanced around his room, and then focused on him again. “I just wanted to say goodbye.”

  He nodded slowly and then rubbed his palms on his thighs. She looked at his chest again, felt her heart flutter, and then felt her throat tighten at the thought of all the things she wanted to say.

  “I’m leaving for the weekend to check out Baker and get my dorm and schedule information.” She heard the tremor in her voice, knew that she was probably shaking slightly, because right now she felt like she might pass out.

  He nodded. “College is good for you, Callie. You’ll meet new people, learn stuff that will help you out in life, and maybe find a guy your own age that will treat you like the princess you are.”

  His words struck right in her heart, and she breathed out. Had he realized what he had just said? The expression on his face told her he hadn’t meant to say anything like that, but the words were already out there, hanging between them, and making her long for his touch.

  “Shit, I hadn’t meant to say some of that.” He lifted a hand and rubbed the back of his neck. The way his bicep clenched and flexed had this potent desire moving through her, and she actually felt herself taking a step closer to him.

  “I’m glad you said something.”

  “Callie, there can’t ever be anything between us.” He scrubbed a hand over his hair and breathed out. “Being with you would mean I’d have to cross a dangerous line, and I can’t do that no matter how much I want you.” His voice broke on the last word.

  Her heart was thundering in her chest. Beads of sweat covered the valley between her breasts, and she could only think about being with him. He said they couldn’t be anything together, that being with her was a line he wasn’t going to cross, and she knew he was right. But he had said he wanted her, and she wanted him. Something inside of her snapped, and she moved toward him without thinking about anything else aside from being with Lucien. She was close enough to touch him, but he was a big man, at least eight inches taller than her five-foot-seven height.

  Callie breathed heavily, feeling herself grow dizzy from the need to touch him.

  “Callie, what are you doing?” His voice was deep and husky, and slightly hoarse.

  “I don’t know, Lucien.” She saw him glance down at her mouth, and she licked her lips. She couldn’t stop herself, couldn’t hold her emotions in check when there was all this sexual chemistry. It was like a living entity between them, and moving back and forth until she was drowning in it, suffocating from the intensity of it. Her hands were shaking, but she lifted them and placed her open palms right on his hard chest. His skin was warm and smooth, hard and powerful. He had his fingers on her wrists, wrapped gently around the bone, but didn’t push her away. He flexed his fingers around her, almost like he wanted to send her away from him, but was unable to.

  “Callie, I can’t do this,” he said, but his voice was still hoarse, and his focus was on her lips. “We can’t do this,” he said even lower, harsher.

  “I know, Lucien, but you’re all I’ve been able to think about since that night you took me back to your place when I was drunk, keeping me safe, and not telling my father because I asked you not to.”

  “Callie.” He groaned out almost as if he were in pain. “Goddammit—”

  She didn’t let him speak anymore, just rose up on her toes, braced her weight with her hands still on his chest, and placed her lips on his. Callie didn’t apply pressure, but the electricity that slammed into her when she had her mouth on his was so intense that she ac
tually moaned softly. Lucien still had a hold of her wrists, but he smoothed his big, calloused and rough palms up her arms, and grabbed her shoulders now. For a few seconds, they held their position. But then he pushed her back, and the look on his face had humiliation filling her. He looked pissed, torn, and like the kiss they had just shared hadn’t meant anything. Now she felt like a fool, because kissing him had put this huge brick between them. Callie didn’t know what to say, didn’t know if she should just turn and put all of this behind her. But she knew she couldn’t leave things in this awkward moment. “Lucien, I didn’t mean to—”

  But before she could finish what she was going to say Lucien was right in front of her, his hand behind her head, and his face right in front of hers. “I wanted to stay away, forced myself to stay away because that is the best thing for both of us.”

  “Lucien.” She didn’t know what she was going to tell him, but maybe if she explained that this wasn’t a passing emotion for her, and that she cared for him more than she had ever cared for another man, he’d know this was worth the risk? “I don’t want you to think this isn’t real for me.” His face was still so close to hers, and his warm breath smelling slightly of whiskey moved across her lips. She swallowed again, felt her nipples bead, and had wetness coating her between her thighs. Her heart would speed up and slow slightly, and repeated the process with each passing second.

  “Fuck, Callie. This isn’t something I can do with you—”

  “But you want to do it,” she said breathlessly, and cut him off. Callie didn’t even want to think about what he might say, and how he might tell her that she needed to leave. Of course that would have been the smart thing for her to do, but right now she didn’t want to think about being smart.