Something Fierce_Underground, 1 Page 9

  “Answer me.” His voice was thick like honey but not nearly as sweet.

  “I do. I want to feel you in my ass.” She felt herself blush, not because she’d said the words he so desperately wanted to hear, but because she’d meant them, each and every one.

  “I’m so hard for you. Do you feel what you do to me?” He lifted off her back, and she felt his erection slide across her ass. The desire to close her legs, to shield that part of her was strong, but the need to feel him actually in her ass was stronger.

  “Y-yes.” She wanted to tell him to do it, to beg him to end her misery and quit taunting her. The warm, wet feeling of liquid on her backside had her gasping. She watched as he used his saliva to get her wet back there, lubricated for what was about to happen. And then he was slowly pushing all his hard inches into her.

  Tears stung her eyes, and she started to feel the burn of being filled completely. It was like nothing she’d ever felt.

  The burn and sting of the tip of his shaft pressing through the tight ring of muscle had her squeezing her eyes shut. When he was completely inside of her, he didn’t move. She knew he was letting her body get accustomed to his girth, and for that she was thankful.

  He gripped her ass, squeezing intermittently as if it was agony being still. Maybe teasing him at that moment wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but his slowness was like torture. She pushed back against him, telling him without words that she was ready. He hissed under his breath and gripped her hard.

  “You’re tempting something dangerous, Tristan.”

  Maybe she was. She’d seen who Kash really was, but with her, alone, he’d always been kind, thoughtful. He may have showed her a dominating side, one that hinted that he liked things much darker, rougher, but he’d gone slow with her, been gentle, and made sure her pleasure came first.

  He started moving in and out of her, and soon the burn of pain was replaced by something far more pleasing. Each time he pushed into her, that desire heightened. His groans behind her were enough to have her nearing yet another orgasm, but it was his hands reaching in front of her and his finger rubbing her clit that had her screaming out.

  She pressed her face into the mattress and cried out in delightfully erotic pleasure. One thrust, two, and on the third one he buried himself balls-deep and cursed loudly. His language was crass and vile, but it reflected the strong emotions she was sure he felt at that moment. She couldn’t fault him for that.

  When he pulled out of her and wrapped his body around hers, Tristan let herself slip into an endorphin-filled coma. It was then, when the darkness was creeping up on her and the mere idea of fighting it seemed abhorrent, that Tristan heard Kash’s whisper against her back.

  “What the fuck have I done?”

  * * *

  Kash closed his eyes and waited until his heart started to beat a normal rhythm. What he and Tristan had just shared was incredible, and that was what scared the shit out of him. She’d been so responsive, and when his dominant side had come out, she hadn’t shied away. In fact, she’d submitted to him. With each passing day he was finding it harder and harder to keep his distance from her, emotionally and physically.

  Foreign emotions swirled around him like an impending tornado. He didn’t know how to take them, didn’t know how to process how they made him feel. She’d seen him covered in another man’s blood, and although there had been shock and fear initially, all of that had melted away and she’d looked upon him like she’d really seen him.

  Her body, so soft and full, rested against his side and spread warmth throughout him. The warmth wasn’t just physical. He felt it down to his very bones, down to his very marrow. He wouldn’t be able to walk away from her even if that was for the best, even if he may try. She deserved someone so much better than a piece of shit like him that came from a broken family.

  The smart thing to do was for him to leave. But the selfish part of him couldn’t bring himself to tear his hands from her lush body. She was his even if he couldn’t be with her.

  18

  Tristan woke to the sound of a steady beat right below her ear and the feel of warmth surrounding her. She slowly opened her eyes, and although the room was still cloaked in darkness, the light from the streetlamps outside cast a dim glow through the window. Kash’s scent enveloped her, a heady aroma of sweat, sex, and something spicy. Certain parts of her body ached pleasurably, and she couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face, but soon that slowly dissipated into a frown. Kash’s words right before she fell victim to blissful sleep echoed in her head.

  “What the fuck have I done?”

  She wanted to confront him about it, but a selfish and stupid part of her didn’t want to break the afterglow silence that resulted from the incredible sex they’d just had. There was also a part of her that just wanted to pretend it had never happened, that maybe she’d imagined his words.

  Or maybe she was reading into it more than she should? Maybe just asking him would clear any miscommunication up?

  She closed her eyes briefly and basked in the feel of him surrounding her. He had his arm draped over her shoulder. It felt protective, proprietary.

  It felt perfect.

  Her head rose and fell in time with his breathing. The sound of his heart could have easily lulled her back to sleep. Did he have feelings for her like she had for him?

  “You must be thinking about something intense.” Kash’s sleepy voice seemed to fill the room. It was no use feigning sleep now.

  “How did you know I was awake?” She pulled back and tilted her head to look into his face. He smiled down at her and brushed a stray lock of hair off her forehead. Tristan’s heart seized for a moment at the tender gesture. Maybe all her worrying was for nothing?

  “I’m pretty good at reading people.” At her silence he continued. “Your body tensed and your breathing changed.” He smiled and brought his lips to hers.

  Warmth spread throughout her body when his lips touched hers. She had so many questions to ask him but didn’t know if now was the right time to bring any of that up. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”

  “You didn’t wake me. I never fell asleep.” He tightened his arm around her, and she found herself snuggling in closer. “So do you want to talk about what is on your mind?” His voice had changed on the last part, and she wondered if he knew what kind of questions she had for him.

  The first question that rose seemed the most logical one to ask, and the one he was most likely willing to answer. “So, that is what you do for a living?” The image of him slamming his fist into his opponent raced through her mind, and a shiver crept up her spine. He didn’t say anything for several moments, as if he might be weighing what he really wanted to tell her.

  “Yes.”

  She was surprised by his admission. For some reason she thought he might try to deny it, although it would have been fruitless since she’d seen the destruction he caused with her own eyes. Yet here she was, curled around him like a second skin, her body aroused even though he’d just brought her to multiple orgasms not an hour ago.

  “Does what I do disgust you?” He moved another lock of hair off her shoulder. “Do I scare you?” He whispered the last part.

  It should have—he should have—but at that moment she couldn’t feel anything but peaceful ignorance and the aftereffects of their intimacy. “No. Yes.” His chuckle at her response surprised her. She rested her head on his chest again and listened to the beat of his heart. It was steady, strong, just like him. “I should feel disgusted by how you make a living. Beating people up to make money isn’t exactly prideful work.” Had he stopped breathing? At his silence she took that as an indication that he wanted her to continue. “It scared me to see you hurt someone like that, but then there was a part of me that was in awe.” She lifted her head again and looked into his face.

  He watched her intently, yet there was a shroud of uncertainty covering his perfectly handsome features.

  “The look on your face … i
t was frightening, exciting.” The last word left her lips quietly. She glanced at him through the veil of her lashes to gauge his reaction. Would her admission disgust him?

  He tore his gaze from hers and stared up at the ceiling. Embarrassment flooded her at the knowledge that he most likely was disappointed by her confession. She went to pull away, but his arm tightened around her. Almost reluctantly, because mortification still lingered, she submitted and rested her head back on his chest. He didn’t speak for several moments, but when he did, his chest rumbled beneath her head.

  “I wish I could tell you that I hate what I do, but I’d be lying.”

  Tristan stayed silent in fear that he would close off these emotions. She wanted to understand him. She wanted to know what made the two parts of him, the one side that was sweet, humorous, and playful, and the other side that was coated in blood and seemed to revel in dishing out pain.

  “I enjoy slamming my fist into their faces. I get high off causing them pain. I want to say I do what I do for the money, but I can’t. When I’m out there and they’re screaming my name, I change into someone different.” His hand stroking her hair had her heart racing. “I’m no good for you, Tristan. The people I associate with, the way I make a living, it will soil you, corrupt you. I don’t want to be the cause of your destruction.” He stared right into her eyes. “You’re too good for that. You’re too good for me.” He sounded pained. “I care about you, and that’s why I’m saying all this.”

  What was Tristan supposed to say to that? Disappointment, sadness, and heartache swirled inside of her so strongly that it sucked the very air from her lungs. How did she feel this strongly for someone she hardly knew? She didn’t respond because she had no idea how to.

  Whatever demons Kash fought that made him want to keep her at arm’s length, she didn’t want to bring them up and push him farther away. Trying to imagine a purely platonic relationship with him was impossible, especially after tonight.

  “Was this a mistake?” That had been the only thing she could think to say since it had been on her mind since she woke. “I care about you, Kash. I truly do.” As soon as those words left her mouth, she knew it had been what broke everything between them. Never had she desired someone so strongly, felt the need to be near them physically and emotionally.

  Please don’t let him crush my heart.

  “Tristan.” He shifted on the bed and let his arm fall from her shoulder. Instantly, coldness seeped into her. “God, baby, I hurt you, didn’t I?” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “That’s the last thing I want to do.”

  Before she let him utter words she knew might destroy her, she found her own resolve. She sat up and brought her lips to his. He tensed for a split second, probably wondering what in the hell she was doing, but soon his mouth softened and he kissed her back like he desperately wanted her.

  It took everything in her to pull away. Their gazes met, and she saw a moment when his expression was soft, where she knew he cared about her but he fought this.

  “I am not what you need. I am not who you need. This thing between us”—he paused and she had a fantasy in her head that he couldn’t continue with that sentence, that what he was about to say would make her heart swell, that he would tell her he, too, cared for her—“I’ll end up destroying you, and that I won’t do. You’re too damn precious to me for me to be selfish and not be honest.”

  Her heart thundered hard and fast in her chest.

  Awkward silence stretched between them, and Tristan found the courage to pull away. Sadness surrounded her, but she was proud of herself for keeping it deep down inside. The disconnection and distance that covered his handsome features now were almost too much for her.

  “God, the way you’re looking at me.” He reached for her, and she moved away, shaking her head. His intentions might have been well and good, but they still cut her deep.

  Smiling, because she didn’t know what other reaction to have, she turned and looked at him.

  “Nothing has to change, Kash.” He looked shocked by her words, or maybe he was surprised that she’d grown disconnected? “I’m not a child that you have to walk on eggshells around. You have your life and I have mine.” Those were some of the hardest words she ever had to utter. “What’s done is done, Kash.” She didn’t wait for him to respond, just hauled ass out of his room in search of a rock to crawl under.

  19

  The next morning was awkward, but the day after that, and then the next, was even worse. Kash’s schedule made it so that their run-ins were few and far between, or maybe he was just purposefully avoiding her. When they would see each other, an awkward moment would pass between them. Tristan wished she could say she hated him, despised him after what had happened, but that would be a lie.

  Deep down Tristan knew what kind of man Kash was. Hell, she knew what he did for a living. She couldn’t push away the memories of their movie nights or the way he joked with her about the cheesy sex scenes. She hated herself that she still had feelings for him, feelings that didn’t go away.

  She stared out the window, thinking about the same thing she had been thinking about for the past week. Kash. Her cell phone vibrated beside her, and she knew who it was before she even picked it up. She knew Kylie had a mouthful to say to her, especially since Tristan had been avoiding her all week. There was no way Tristan could avoid telling Kylie that she’d slept with Kash.

  Cell phone in hand, she contemplated not answering, but she knew she could only avoid her friend for so long. “Hello?”

  “Tristan Brynn Holloway, how dare you ignore me for an entire week,” Kylie’s shrill voice screeched across the receiver, and Tristan pulled the phone away from her ear. This was only the beginning.

  “I wasn’t ignoring you, Kylie.”

  “Bull-fucking-shit you weren’t. The only reason I haven’t been over there beating down your damn door is because my work schedule has been busy and Kash told me you were still alive.”

  Kylie had talked to Kash? Tristan was on the verge of delving deeper into that but stopped herself.

  “I know something is wrong, and I want you to talk to me about it.” There was a touch of hurt in Kylie’s voice that made Tristan feel like a complete bitch.

  “I don’t mean to shut you out. I’ve just been in my own little world.” Moping around and feeling sorry for myself. Like she could really confess that. “I’m sorry. I really am.”

  Kylie sighed. “Yeah, okay, but I want to talk to you. I haven’t seen you since the club, and you were acting funky then, too. Can we get together this afternoon or maybe tomorrow?”

  Tristan closed her eyes. Once she was face-to-face with Kylie, she wouldn’t be able to not tell her everything. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to confide in her friend, but Kylie tended to act like a mother figure more times than not.

  “I work today, but we can get together tomorrow evening if you want?” Tristan hung up the phone once their plans were made and went back to staring out the window. Kash’s truck sat in the driveway, yet another reminder that he was so close yet so far away.

  * * *

  Tristan pulled into the driveway and turned off the car. The talk with Kylie had been uneventful, although she got a slight ass reaming from her best friend for avoiding her. She was a wimp because she kept her feelings for Kash to herself. It had been easier than she had thought. An image of her breaking down in front of Kylie, confessing her deepest feelings for her roommate, played in her mind like a bad movie reel.

  In the end her strength and mortification over everything that happened sealed her mouth shut. It didn’t matter that there was the bad along with the good, that the sight of Kash fighting turned her on, on some primal level. She didn’t have the balls to confess that to Kylie. She wasn’t stupid enough to think Kylie had bought her nonchalant attitude. Kylie knew she was holding something back, but she hadn’t pressed.

  It took her a moment to realize she was parked right next to his truck. She felt her brows fu
rrow slightly at the thought of Kash being home. Normally he was gone when she came back from work and stayed out until early in the morning. Her heart thundered at the sight of the black vehicle. Maybe he was asleep already and that would eliminate the weirdness of a run-in. Every time they saw each other lately, he was cool and collected, the complete opposite of how she felt. Just thinking about her fumbled words, fierce blushing, and instant perspiration had her face heating.

  She grabbed her purse and headed into the house. As soon as the door was open, she smelled buttered popcorn. A glance into the living room showed the TV on but nothing yet on the screen. She looked toward the kitchen and saw an impressive view of Kash’s back as he opened the microwave. The door shut behind her with a resounding click, and Kash turned around. He smiled at her and held up the bag of popcorn he’d retrieved from the microwave.

  “I was wondering when you’d get home. I have everything ready for our movie night.”

  Movie night? Really?

  She was a bit stunned, especially since they’d pretty much been avoiding each other since their intimate encounter. Well, maybe avoiding each other wasn’t the right word. Kash had always seemed fine with how things ended. It was her emotions that got in the way of keeping everything on a normal level. It was her feelings for him that made it especially difficult to keep things platonic.

  She knew she would try, though, because the thought of him not being around, even if for fleeting moments, hurt.

  “Um, okay, yeah, that sounds good.” She could do this, sit next to him and act pretend everything was like it had been before.

  He smiled broadly and brought the popcorn and drinks into the living room. She watched him from the foyer for a moment before slipping off her shoes and heading toward the stairs. “Just give me a moment to change.” She dashed upstairs and quickly changed out of her work clothes. When she was back downstairs, she saw Kash was already on the couch with the bowl of popcorn between his thighs. She walked into the living room, eyed the couch and then the recliner, and decided the recliner was probably the best option. She didn’t make it three steps before Kash cleared his throat.