The BEARly Reluctant Grizzly (Bear Clan, 4) Read online

  There was a set of stairs off to the side of the living room that led up to the second floor. On that level there was a loft, two bedrooms, and one bathroom, with the second bathroom on the first floor right off of the kitchen.

  I took in the living room first. A large picture window was across from the stairs, giving a gorgeous view of the forest. Massive exposed beams were above, giving the place ambience and a cabin-like feel.

  I turned and faced the kitchen. To my left was a large open area, which would be perfect for a small dining room table. Another large picture window sat opposite of where the table would go. Then there was the kitchen itself, with my new stove, refrigerator, and dishwasher. The counters would need to be redone, but the cabinets were natural wood that had been lightly stained. They were gorgeous.

  Another large window sat right above the sink, and I could faintly see where the starting point of the creek was. I knew when I opened the window I’d be able to hear the trickling of it mixed in with the sounds of the wildlife.

  For the next ten minutes or so I was messing with the new appliances, opening and closing the refrigerator, doing the same with the dishwasher and the stove.

  All these bursts of ideas and images about decorating the cabin once it was fully done played through my mind.

  I turned and leaned against the sink, crossing my arms and just looking around. It was when I heard the snap of the tape measure again that I remembered I wasn’t alone. I heard footsteps above, coming closer to the stairs.

  Then I saw him.

  He was jotting down something on a small notepad, his dark blond hair cut short, his body big and masculine. He was just like I remembered, but ... more.

  He had yet to notice me, and so I took that moment and just stared at him. I didn’t know why I felt this connection, this pull, but it was undeniable.

  It was unmistakable.

  It consumed me.

  And I found myself desperately wanting to explore it more.

  3

  Asher

  I’d shown up at the cabin an hour earlier, and as soon as I stepped inside I knew this project was going to be an undertaking in itself. The previous owner had let the place go to shit, although from what I could see, the cabin was structurally sound.

  But cosmetically it needed a lot of work.

  I went through each room and took measurements, writing them down, figuring out in my head what would need to be done, the supplies I’d need to acquire, and the length of time to get this completed.

  The new owner, Ainsley Shepherd, was due at the house sometime today, and although it would be best if I was here to meet with her and go over specifications, anxiety filled me at the thought.

  Ever since I heard her name from the real estate agent, I’d been obsessing over it, playing it in my head on repeat, unable to get it out of my mind. I didn’t understand it, but it was like this living entity inside of me, refusing to diminish no matter how hard I tried to force it.

  So, I immersed myself in work, in restoring my boat, but no matter what, I hadn’t been able to focus on anything. And my bear, my fucking bear was restless, pacing inside of me, demanding to be out. Maybe that’s all it was? It had been too long since I’d let the bastard out, since he’d been free and run.

  That had to be it. My animal telling me that it was time to get some energy out.

  Yes, that’s what I needed.

  I needed to run free. I needed to get back to my roots.

  It was dangerous for a shifter not to let his animal out from time to time, and it had been months since I’d let him roam.

  I closed my eyes and rolled my head around on my neck, feeling the vibrations of his growl, hearing it my head. He was an anxious bastard on the best of days, but right now, over the last few days since I’d gotten the call from the real estate agent, he’d been one annoying motherfucker.

  I breathed out slowly and opened my eyes, going back to measuring. I heard the sound of an approaching vehicle and assumed it was the owner but kept on working. She’d come find me when she was ready.

  The scent of dust and age filled my head. It was a damn shame the previous occupant didn’t give two shits about this place, because the state it was in made it clear he probably hadn’t been on the upper level for some time, not even to clean it.

  I stepped out of the master bedroom, made my way toward the stairs, but stopped and started jotting down some last-minute ideas and numbers. And as I wrote those things down the scent of something glorious slammed into me.

  It was something that filled every single part of me, right down to my very marrow. My bastard bear stilled, froze. He fucking grew calm.

  It was like time stood still, as if nothing else mattered. I inhaled deeply, the scent of warm sugar, vanilla, and a touch of honey coating my senses. It wasn’t food that I smelled, but the scent of a female ... of our female. That had a husky roar leaving my bear.

  I slowly opened my eyes and looked over the loft, seeing her standing there. She watched me, the strangest expression on her face, as if she were confused about these feelings as well, conflicted about what was going on inside of her.

  The moment was so intense that I actually dropped my pad and pen as I reached out and grabbed the banister framing off the loft. I tried to stay calm, steady.

  I couldn’t move, so all I did was stand there and stare at her. I let the realization that my mate was actually here slam into me, wrap its possessive claws around every organ in my body, and squeeze tightly.

  I couldn’t breathe or think, couldn’t even move. I was lost in the color of her eyes—this cerulean blue that had me thinking of the ocean.

  Get your shit together.

  But even telling myself that over and over again, even after trying to keep my fucking control, the human and bear sides of me were at war.

  Take her. Claim her. Mark her.

  I never thought I’d have a mate. Take time to think about this. Really understand what this means.

  My bear growled at my human side, at my thoughts and confusion and second-guessing.

  But as I looked at her I knew one thing for certain.

  This was my reality. She was my mate, the one woman who was meant to be mine. Only mine.

  I’d gone so long thinking I wouldn’t find her that I’d come to the conclusion I would live a solitary life. I’d accepted that.

  But in the blink of an eye, in one single moment, all of that had changed.

  “Hi,” she said after clearing her throat, as if she’d caught herself just as transfixed as I was.

  I said nothing in return, not because I didn’t want to, but because I couldn’t find my voice. She lifted her hand and waved, but I still stood there saying nothing. I watched as her brows knitted, as if she were confused, probably thinking What the fuck is up with this dude?

  “I assume you’re Asher? At least I hope you are and not some strange man in my house.” She laughed softly.

  The sound of her voice, the way her tone rose as she joked, had my heart stopping.

  I finally cleared my throat and nodded, moving away from the banister and toward the stairs. “I am.”

  She laughed. “You’re Asher or you’re a strange man in my house?”

  Fuck, her voice had every part of me coming alive, little shock waves of electricity moving through me.

  My bear wanted out. I wanted to take her, claim here right here in this cabin. Fuck everything else, fuck being polite and a gentleman, going slow and making her see that she was made for me. My bear wanted out so he could mark her, to see if she was as sweet and delicious as I knew she’d be.

  I heard a low growl fill the air and realized it was me, my bear pushing for supremacy. He was trying to show dominance, but I kept my control. I couldn’t be more animal than man right now.

  I cleared my throat and lifted my hand to rub the back of my neck. “I’m Asher.” Shit, was that my voice?

  I found myself walking down the stairs and toward her, this tightness in
my body so pronounced I felt my muscles relax and contract. It took every ounce of self-control not to shift right here, not to show her my bear, let her know what she was getting into.

  But she was human, fragile and vulnerable, maybe unaware of the way it worked with mates.

  Show her how it will be with us, as our mate.

  Those words played over and over again in my head.

  She was made for me, born for me. I wanted to admit that I’d never been with anyone, never touched, kissed ... felt a woman, because I didn’t want to, but also because it was physically impossible.

  No other woman made me feel desire. Any pleasure I had found all these years had come from my own hand as I pictured my nameless, faceless mate.

  But then as the years passed and I grew more isolated, hardened, I’d come to the resolve I would forever be alone.

  And then fate had stepped in and given me my mate. She was only a few feet from me, looking up at me with big blue eyes I could get lost in. All I wanted to do was hold her, kiss her, touch every part of her until she was writhing and begging me for more.

  But right now, I was conflicted and confused, fighting internally with my bear. I found myself taking a step back, knowing how I wanted this to go, but instead having all these unusual, powerful feelings moving through me.

  “I’ll be in touch later this week with all the specifications.” My voice was hard, deep, my bear right there at the surface.

  I could see her eyebrows lower, could sense that she was aware something was off right now. But instead of saying anything, I handed her my business card with shaky fingers and turned and left my mate standing there, confused and alone.

  And, as I walked away from her, it felt so wrong. The need to go back to her had me stopping several times, had me questioning every single thing in my life.

  And through it all, one thing kept playing through my mind ... Go back to her now.

  4

  Ainsley

  I collapsed on my bed, my arms outstretched along the mattress, my focus on the cedar wood ceiling. It had been a full day of unpacking the food and kitchen stuff—well, as much as I could, seeing as renovations needed to be done so there was no point in really getting settled. But I needed some items out, needed to make this place feel a little bit like home while I stayed here, while it was being worked on around me.

  All of my belongings were still in boxes scattered throughout the cabin, but I’d managed to get the bed together—well, at least the mattress. Hauling a full-size mattress up the stairs had been a feat in itself, but it was worth it, because making a pallet on the floor or sleeping on the couch was not an option I was really wanting to take. Especially not after the long drive I’d had.

  But if I were being honest, I’d been keeping myself busy all day trying to get Asher out of my mind. I didn’t know why he consumed me so much. I’d just met him, didn’t know anything about him aside from the rumors I’d heard while living in town years ago, and what little research I’d done on his company.

  Yet I couldn’t get him out of my mind.

  All I kept picturing was our interaction, that first meeting where he seemed almost as confused with how weird things had gone and felt as I had been.

  Even now, I could smell his scent lingering in the air, this starkly masculine aroma that had hints of the forest weaved in. I felt like those scents were ingrained in me, like I would never be able to not smell them.

  I sat up and moved over so that I could grab his business card off the nightstand. I held it in my hand, the paper smooth, thick. I envisioned it between his fingers, his thumb and forefinger moving over the paper. I started to have obscene thoughts, ones that had to do with his hands, me, and both of us naked.

  God, I was losing my mind.

  I set the card down and lay back, my eyes closed, sexual images slamming through my mind over and over again. But I needed to get myself together, because it was clear these feelings were one-sided. He’d acted like being close to me was akin to being on fire, especially as he hauled ass out of the cabin.

  And for some strange, indescribable reason, that broke a piece of my heart.

  I actually lifted my hand and rubbed the center of my chest, this ache settling right there. I was insane. I had to be to feel this kind of intense emotion over a man I’d just met. But on the heels of that thought, I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe there was something more to this. Maybe this wasn’t just some crazy feeling I felt for an attractive bear shifter?

  Maybe, just maybe, we were more to each other?

  A mate?

  Living in a world full of shifters made a human very aware of the technicalities of what being mated to a shifter actually meant. Being tied inexplicably to a shifter meant undeniable, irrefutable, proof that you were meant for that one person. That your soulmate was out there, that other piece of you that you never knew was missing until it stood right in front of you.

  And that’s how I felt.

  Surely that had to be my case, that maybe I was tied to someone, and that’s the reason why I’d never felt desire, never been with a man, hell, never even been kissed.

  Here I was, a grown-ass woman and I’d never known a man’s touch. I’d never even felt pleasure, not unless it was at my own hands, those awkward little touches I gave myself as I thought about a faceless man who I just knew in my heart was meant for me alone.

  And maybe it was because of all that that I’d never gone the romance route in my writing? Maybe it was because I didn’t know how that even felt since I’d never experienced it, and as much as I wanted to write about people falling in love, I just couldn’t.

  But since seeing Asher just earlier today, romance was all I’d been able to think about. The way his dark blond hair had been cut close to his head, how my fingers had itched to find out how soft the strands were. Right down to the fact his eyes were so blue, the shade almost unreal.

  And then there was his body, big and strong, so muscular that I didn’t think I would ever feel any more feminine than standing before him.

  I thought about his bear, what he looked like when he shifted, how he’d be so powerful and dangerous, how I’d want to be right in the mix of all that feral intensity. I got shivers thinking about it, goosebumps moving along my arms and legs.

  And as awkward and isolated as I was, as introverted as I was, the truth was, I felt myself wanting to be bold and brazen where he was concerned. I wanted to explore these unusual feelings that had grown inside of me. I wanted to see if he felt them too.

  I pushed myself up and sat on the edge of the mattress, my knees bent up to my chest, my focus on the wall in front of me. He said he’d get in contact with me, and maybe that was best, letting him take control even though all he thought this was or had to do with was the renovation.

  But to me it was something much more, and I had to explore it. There was absolutely no way I could ignore these feelings, not when they were so strong.

  I almost felt as though my life depended on it.

  5

  Asher

  I could feel Cason staring at me, but I refused to look in his direction. My mind was confused, my body conflicted. My human and bear were at war with each other, and although deep down I knew what was right, what I desperately wanted, I was coming to terms with the fact I finally had a mate.

  “Dude, why are you fighting it?”

  I didn’t pretend to act like a shifter couldn’t scent internal conflict, couldn’t smell the fact I’d found my mate. Pheromones were emitted, animals rose up powerfully.

  The claiming was undeniable to everyone around.

  The sound of the fire cracking couldn’t drown out my emotions, it seemed. I looked over at Cason, my brother who was also not mated, his focus trained right on me.

  “You’re fighting it so fucking hard you’re saturating the air with it.”

  I let out a low, frustrated grunt and leaned back against the leather armchair, my legs kicked out in front of me, the fire keeping
me transfixed, lost in my thoughts.

  “It’s more complicated than that,” I finally said and heard Cason snort.

  “It’s really fucking not.”

  I looked at my brother again and narrowed my eyes. “Coming from a shifter who’s not mated.”

  He shook his head slowly. “I may not be mated yet, but fuck, dude, when I do find my female I’m not gonna run from her like a damn coward.”

  I growled out low despite the fact I knew my brother was right.

  “I have hope, Asher. I know I’ll find her. I know my mate is out there. But you’ve given up, and even in the face of your mate, you’re still questioning your life, your purpose.” He sat up straighter, his expression hardening. “You have something every shifter wants, myself included. And instead of going over there and claiming her, telling her exactly what you guys are to each other, you’re sitting in front of your fire bullshitting with your brother, trying to make sense of all of this.” He shook his head slowly. “There is no making sense of this. She’s yours and you’re hers. What could be more perfect?” He leaned back in his chair and turned his focus to the fire, this forlorn expression on his face. “I wish I was in your shoes right now,” he said gruffly, and although Cason was more of an easy-going type, right now he was distant, even sad.

  We sat in silence and I played his words over in my head. I looked back at my brother, not sure what to say.

  “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’d fucking lost your mind right now.” He grumbled out the last part and I couldn’t blame him. Cason looked empathetic then. “Asher,” he said. “You found your other half. It’s something every shifter desperately wants but you’re fighting it. I don’t understand.” His expression softened. “What are you so afraid of?” he finally asked after we’d been sitting there for several long moments.

  I lifted my hand and rubbed my palm over my jaw, the scruff underneath scratching my skin. I exhaled slowly and faced my brother.