The BEARly Reluctant Grizzly (Bear Clan, 4) Read online

  I felt like a fucking asshole, not just for how I was acting toward my brother and being insensitive, but the fact I had left my mate. She’d been right fucking in front of me and I’d walked away, as if that had been the easiest thing in the goddamn world.

  Even now my bear was pissed, enraged. At me.

  I didn’t need to think about what he’d said to know my answer. “What if I lose her and I find myself back in this black hole?” This tightness settled in my chest, and I lifted my hand and rubbed over my heart. “What if I allow myself to let that happiness in, that completion of finally finding my other half, and I lose her?” I looked at Cason, my throat tight, my mouth dry. “I don’t think I’d survive that,” I said on a whisper, feeling this vulnerability I’d never experienced before.

  I stared back at the fire, knowing that my life wasn’t my own anymore. I had a mate, a female to take care of. She was all that mattered, and I needed to get my shit together, to push my worries and insecurities aside, and be the best male I could be for her.

  Cason was right.

  I was a fucking idiot to second-guess all of this. But I would change that, rectify it. I was going to let Ainsley know exactly what she meant to me, and I was going to do it in the way she deserved ... with her possessive mate claiming her fully.

  Ainsley

  The next day

  I turned off the radio, leaning against the kitchen island as I thought about what the weatherman had said. A major storm was coming, one that was pretty severe, from what they were saying.

  I turned and looked at the kitchen, seeing the few boxes and canned goods I had sitting on the counter. I’d probably be fine with those until the storm passed, but I didn’t have much drinking water on hand. And if the storm was going to be as bad as they said, I needed to stock up before it hit.

  And as I stood there, knowing what I had to do, all I kept thinking about was Asher. I couldn’t count how many times I’d picked up my cell and was about to call him. It had only been a day since he left my cabin, yet it felt like a lifetime.

  Sleep had been pretty nonexistent, and this anxious feeling had taken root inside of me.

  One day and I felt like I was lost, like there was this heavy weight on my shoulders and until I talked to him about this, figured out what the hell was going on, it would only get worse, the pressure more intense.

  But I’d been so busy today, well, kept myself as busy as physically possible, because I knew what I felt was a little illogical. It didn’t matter if it was my reality, it felt insane and wild and I was a little afraid of actually confessing anything to Asher for fear that he’d look at me like I was this madwoman.

  Without thinking about it anymore, I grabbed my keys off the island, put my purse strap over my shoulder, and headed out the door. The sky was getting darker by the second, and the scent of rain filled the air. I always loved that smell, the crispness that always seemed to surround you right before the storm.

  But right now, it was a little bit frightening being up here all alone, the nearest town twenty minutes down the mountain. It was intimidating and made me realize how truly alone I was.

  I tossed my purse on the passenger side seat and climbed in, shutting the door and starting the engine. I started heading down the mountain, the weatherman predicting the storm wouldn’t hit until about five tonight. That was several hours away still, and plenty of time for me to stock up on supplies, head back to the cabin, and get things ready in case the power went out.

  I knew how storms were in the city, but being in the mountains, surrounded by all these trees, this altitude … I could only imagine it was probably a lot fiercer.

  Before I knew it, I was pulling into the parking lot of the grocery store. The supermarket in this little town wasn’t anything I was used to. It was tiny compared to the ones in the city. But I figured it would do the job. I didn’t need much.

  I climbed out and walked inside, the interior a flurry of action. There were a lot of people gathering supplies, carts filled with cases of water, packs of batteries, toiletries, and nonperishables.

  I took the last cart and made my way up and down the aisles. Although I should have focused mainly on nonperishables, I did grab some fruits and vegetables. There was only so much canned and boxed food a girl could stomach.

  When I got to the aisle where the water was kept, the majority was picked clean, but I managed to get a few gallons of water, and the last two cases of water bottles they had. After throwing some packs of batteries in the cart, even snagging two flashlights and a few boxes of matches, I made my way to the wine section. I’d never been much of a drinker, but if I was going to be buckled down for the next few days with this storm, I wanted to make the best of it.

  As I stood there and looked at their selection, which really was only a handful of brands, I could hear some arguing in the next aisle. Two women bickered over something they both claimed they’d seen first. I felt like I was in a movie, with people fighting over the last box of cereal. The way they argued made it seem like the damn apocalypse was underway.

  After putting a couple bottles of wine in my cart, I started heading to the checkout. I stood there and leaned against the handle of the cart, thinking about how this was my life now. No doubt storms were common, although judging by the crowd in the store, you would think these people had never experienced something like this before.

  The longer I stood there, the more I thought of my interaction with Asher just yesterday. I imagined how it would go when I told him my insane feelings. No doubt I’d make a massive fool out of myself.

  I overheard a couple guys talking about how they were glad they’d cut down those trees because there was no doubt the electricity would get cut and they’d need it for a fire.

  I internally cursed because I hadn’t even thought about making a fire, probably because I didn’t know where the hell to start for something like that.

  Add that to the already long-ass list of shit I needed to learn while living in the middle of nowhere.

  I saw the shelf of candy and said fuck trying to eat healthy. I grabbed a few candy bars just for the hell of it. Nothing better than wine and chocolate in front of a fire I might not even be able to build.

  I’d seen bundles of firewood right outside the supermarket, and I didn’t doubt those were for the tourists. Locals were with it enough to cut their own instead of having to buy it at the store.

  After checking out and telling the cashier I wanted three bundles of wood—praying that was even enough—I made my way out to the Jeep, loaded it up with my groceries, and pulled the vehicle up to the curb so I could load the wood in the back.

  I left the Jeep idling as I climbed out, popped the back, and loaded in the wood. There was a crack of lightning that lit up the nearly darkened sky, followed by a boom of thunder. I felt those vibrations all the way through my body and knew this storm was going to be something fierce.

  After hauling ass to get the other bundles of wood into my Jeep, I left the parking lot and headed back home. It was when I pulled into my gravel driveway that the pellets of rain started, just little drops at first, but I knew with each passing moment they’d get more intense.

  I guess I was about to experience my first real scenario of mountain living.

  6

  Asher

  I’d been thinking about what Cason had said, how I’d been blocking myself from fully accepting Ainsley and my mating, that I’d let my fear override everything else that was natural to me.

  I deserved this.

  She deserved this.

  I was tired of living my life in the shadows, not that anyone but myself had put me there. And even though the storm raged outside, the wind howling as if tornado sirens were being let off in the distance, there was one thing for certain I was about to do.

  Go to my mate.

  Fuck everything else: the weather, my wants and desires, the fear of screwing this up.

  Because when it came to Ainsley, there was no other
option for me.

  What she wanted, desired, cared about, was all that mattered. And it had taken a figurative push to the face by reality to put me in my place.

  I didn’t know anything personal about her, had only spoken a handful of words to her, but I could still hear her voice in my head. It was the most beautiful sound that had every part of my body tightening, that had my bear feeling restless yet relaxed all in the same breath.

  And despite not knowing when her birthday was, what her childhood had been like, or what her favorite meal was, I knew in time I’d come to memorize all of those things.

  Because the most important thing in the world was … that she was mine.

  I grabbed my keys off the counter, slipped my jacket on, and headed out the door. I put my hood on, bracing myself against the rain and the wind. Thunder boomed, lightning cracked against the darkened sky, but that wouldn’t stop me.

  I stood there and looked around, felt the electricity in the air, the weather and Mother Nature saying “fuck it” and giving all they had. It was the perfect weather for confronting my mate and telling her what I needed, what we both needed. It was the same wild intensity outside as I felt inside.

  I went to my truck and climbed into the driver’s side seat, shutting the door behind me. It was fierce outside, real and raw. And as I cranked the engine and started heading toward Ainsley’s place, all I could think was one thing.

  I’m about to make her mine. Finally, after all these years, after knowing that there was a female out there for me, I was about to finally get to experience my mate.

  As I drove down the mountain that’s all I could think about, repeating it over and over in my head, feeling this renewed strength move through me.

  Normally it would only take a ten-minute drive to get to her cabin, but with the debris flying around, and the weather, it had taken me double that amount of time.

  I pulled to a stop in her driveway, the trees surrounding her cabin swaying forcefully. I cut the engine and sat there for a minute, my body shaking as energy moved through me, anticipation and excitement rolling in me like waves.

  This was it, what I’d been waiting for my entire life.

  This was what I was always meant to do.

  Ainsley

  “This is bullshit,” I said softly and sat back. The kindling I was using to try to start a fire stayed lit, but only for a few seconds before dying down because of the draft coming through the fireplace.

  Where was the lighter fluid when you needed it?

  The box of matches sat beside me, half empty because that’s how many I’d used trying to start the damn fire. With the electricity flickering off and on, and the storm really increasing as time went on, I was starting to feel like maybe moving to the country hadn’t been the best idea. I hadn’t even been here two nights and I couldn’t even start a damn fire to save my life.

  At least it wasn’t winter, and I wouldn’t freeze my ass off, but still, how pathetic was I that I couldn’t even do this one thing?

  The wind howled outside, and the sound of the rain slamming against the windows in the cabin grew fiercer as time moved on. I looked toward the main window, expecting to see shards of glass bursting forward for how powerfully those pellets slammed against it.

  I could hear the creak of the trees as they swayed from the force of the wind, and in that moment, I had never felt so alone. I sat in this big empty cabin, boxes surrounding me, my house needing so much work it was ridiculous, and I had my two flashlights sitting on the floor beside me because no doubt the electricity would cut off any minute.

  And in that moment, as a grown-ass adult, I wished I was back home. Because at least when I was in the city I didn’t feel this dark hole inside of me growing, consuming me. At least back in the city I was surrounded by strangers, never having an intimate moment, never feeling like in the blink of an eye I’d get swept away.

  Because at least if I was away from this perfect little town with its raging storms and broken-down cabins, I wouldn’t be obsessing about a bear shifter I didn’t even know.

  I heard a loud thump on the porch and jumped, an involuntary cry leaving me. We had storms in the city, but they weren’t anything like this. They weren’t wild and careless, dangerous and violent. I had concrete and steel surrounding me, skyscrapers and the hectic rush of people covering every inch of the city.

  And then the electricity finally cut off. No more flickering, no more promise that I would be plunged in darkness.

  Twin beams of light came from the flashlights, illuminating the ceiling. I moved toward the couch and leaned back against it, staring at the lights, telling myself everything would be fine.

  I hoped at least.

  7

  Ainsley

  I hadn’t given up on the fire, but that didn’t mean I had been successful either. And I’d gone through most of the kindling and the paper I had in the house.

  So now here I sat on the couch, feeling deflated and frustrated. I exhaled, angry with myself for not being more prepared, more knowledgeable before moving out here.

  The storm was getting worse by the minute, judging by the sound outside that was reminiscent of a banshee. Debris kept smacking against the side of the house, and I was surprised the house was holding up as well as it was.

  I stood up and went to search for more batteries when there was a large crash through the window. I cried out and instinctively covered my head, turning away so my back was toward the noise.

  Rain and wind moved through the broken window, and I turned around to see the damage. A large branch had gone right through the glass, the curtains blowing wildly, rain and debris spraying all over the ground.

  The sounds of heavy footballs on the porch came through, and I would’ve passed it off to just the storm, but then I heard pounding on my front door. My heart raced and I backed up, grabbing the island and curling my hands around the edge.

  Fear took root inside of me, growing like another entity.

  “Ainsley.” I heard Asher’s voice roar out over the loud noise of the storm and made no hesitation in rushing toward the front door, unlocking it, and throwing it open.

  The wind pushed the door out of my hands and it slammed against the wall. Asher strode in instantly, closing and locking it, and then facing me and looking me up and down. But it wasn’t sexual. I could see and feel that truth instantly.

  He had his hands on my shoulders, his fingers curled against my body. Concern was thick on his face. “Are you okay?”

  I licked my lips and nodded, not sure what to say, not even sure why he was here, but thankful nonetheless. As soon as I’d heard his voice, I instantly felt relaxed, calm, and knew everything was okay. Even right now, with his hands on my shoulders, I felt his warmth fill me.

  After a few seconds of him continuing to look me over, a crease between his brows as the worry took over his expression, he stepped back and exhaled. Asher lifted his hand and ran it over his short hair, then turned and looked at the window.

  “I need to fix this,” he said almost to himself and then went right into action.

  I took a step back as he went to work. He braved the weather once more as he went out to his truck. I kept the door slightly open and watched him grab what looked like a tool box from the back of his vehicle.

  He rushed back inside, even more soaking wet than when he’d first arrived, his hair plastered to his head, water droplets falling from his body.

  Once the door was shut again, Asher went to work closing up the window. There’d been a few old pieces of plywood in one of the rooms, and after he grabbed them and got rid of the branch through the window, he proceeded to close the opening. The sound of the hammer was barely a whisper over the howl of the wind.

  Once it was closed up, he turned to face me. The only light was from the twin flashlights sitting on the floor beside the fireplace, and the shadows danced along the walls behind him. A chill had started to settle in the cabin, and I lifted my hands and rubbed them over
my arms almost involuntarily.

  And once again, Asher was moving into action. He went to the fireplace and in a matter of minutes had a roaring fire in the hearth. I felt the heat instantly and walked over, holding my hands out and rubbing them together in front of the flames.

  Even though I stared at the fire, I could feel Asher’s gaze on me. I straightened and looked over my shoulder, seeing him standing off to the side, his arms hanging loosely at his sides, his clothes soaking wet, his hair dripping with water.

  “God, I’m so sorry. How inconsiderate of me.” I went into action then, grabbing some towels that were shoved in a box and carrying them over to him. I handed him one and set the other in the couch. “I don’t have anything that will fit you, but maybe we can hang your clothes in front of the fire since the electricity is out and, well, I don’t have a washer and dryer yet.”

  He continued to stare at me, not speaking, but there was this fierce expression on his face that I couldn’t quite place.

  He started unbuttoning his flannel, and when he pulled it off, I quickly took it and turned, giving him privacy as he started to remove the white T-shirt he had worn underneath.

  My heart was racing, images of what he looked like without a stitch of clothing on slamming into my head. I felt my face heat and was thankful he couldn’t see me surely blushing.

  I went and turned on the stove, the gas burner lighting up. At least I could still use this without the electricity, could heat us up some water so we could have some tea, so he could warm up a little bit.

  “I hope you like tea,” I said almost absently, but that was just something to keep me busy, to keep my mind off of more inappropriate things.

  I heard rustling behind me, and found myself looking over my shoulder, even though I tried not to. I wanted to give him some privacy, but it was as if he had this rope tethered to me, and I was being pulled toward him. It was hard to fight, almost impossible to ignore.