Hurts So Good Read online

  “Jane, sweetheart.” Her mother’s high-pitched voice came from the porch, and she turned around and waved.

  “Hi, Mom. Where is Dad?”

  “I’m going to get the bags.” Graison kissed her on the cheek, waved at her mom, and opened the back door of her Accord. She made her way up the driveway, and when she reached it her mom gave her a big hug.

  “Your father went to the store to get a few things I forgot to pick up earlier. He should be home within the hour.” They walked inside, and moments later Graison was setting her suitcases on the ground. He had driven the moving van up for her, but Graison still lived in Colton and actually owned his own accounting business. Her changings feelings toward him didn’t have to do with the fact she had moved back to Absinthe. It had been happening before she even got the offer. They had just grown apart, were two totally different people with very different paths, and stringing him along after she decided that things with them couldn’t be romantic any longer wasn’t fair to him.

  “How have you been, Carolyn?” Graison wrapped his arms around her mom and gave her a hug. “Honey, are you okay? You look upset.”

  Jane blinked at the sound of Graison’s voice directed at her, and when she looked between Graison and her mother it was to see them both staring at her. She didn’t verbally respond, just nodded, grabbed her bag, and started heading up the stairs to the spare room. Fortunately, Graison didn’t follow her, and instead stayed downstairs and complimented her mother on her china tea cups that she had displayed. Maybe a nap would do her some good, and clear her head?

  ****

  Mack grabbed a case of cheap beer in one hand and a six pack of Sam Adams in the other and headed toward the registers. Since getting his shit together he had stayed away from the general population of Absinthe and kept to himself. He had a nice little two bedroom home right on the edge of town, and despite the fact he had mended things with the people he had hurt in the past with his actions, they still kept away from him. His buddies from school had long since moved out of town, and last he’d heard were married and had families of their own. And here was Mack, training to fight with the underground circuit. He may have cleaned up, gotten the drugs out of his system, and tried to patch up the relationships he had ruined all those years ago, but Mack still wasn’t the same. He had a lot of anger still inside of him, and the only way to release that hatred he still harbored was to throw punches and feel the pain of knuckles slamming into his body. It was either that or have the temptation and then inevitable downfall of using drugs to help numb his emotions. But fighting was a better outlet—despite the violent nature of the sport—for his anger, and had the same numbing effects. The hits to his body, and in turn the punches he delivered were good for him, and the pain felt good. Once he was exhausted, sweaty, bloody, and physically battered, that was the time he found solace. But that peace only lasted so long, and he was right back to feeling that darkness fester inside of him. He knew it would never end, and he was okay with that, had accepted it even, and was used to it.

  He had honed his body, packed on the muscles until he was a machine. At six foot three and three hundred pounds of muscle, people tended to stay away from him. He also had the reputation in the underground circuit of knocking out with only one punch. It was the adrenalin that fueled him, and at twenty-eight he wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. He stood behind an elderly woman in line and waited until he could check out. He didn’t let his thoughts wander, because usually they went dark, and he saw images of his ugly past that he just wanted to keep buried. He thought about Harlond and Sunny, and that helped to put the vileness away. Mack had taken to Sunny right away, seeing her as this fragile female that needed watching over. He wasn’t going to lie and say when he first saw Sunny he hadn’t seen the girl he loved in her young face. But it hadn’t been any kind of sexual reaction in him, but more one of brotherly affection, one that made him want to watch over her and make sure no motherfuckers like him hurt her. To this day he regretted how he had handled his parents’ death, hated that he had pushed away everyone that cared about him, but especially hated that he had shut out the only girl he loved. She had seen him at his worst, and had tried to stick by him even after he was using drugs more frequently and drinking more heavily. But then her breaking point had finally come, and she had left Absinthe, and him. Mack couldn’t blame her, and in fact was glad she had finally left him to wallow in his own self-destruction. He had gotten worse as the drugs and liquor controlled his life. Petty theft, fighting until he was a bloody mess on a daily basis, and total lack of compassion of everything and everyone had almost caused Mack’s death as well. For months he lived that way after his parents death, but then Harlond, the owner of a back alley gym and trainer of many aspiring, current, and even retired MMA fighters, had found him piss drunk, nearly passed out, and beaten to shit in a grungy alley and had taken him to his home. After that everything had changed for Mack. He had gotten clean, found the strength to push past his depression and anger, and fought it out in a safe and controlled way.

  “Mack?” The deep voice that came from behind him had Mack instantly tensing. He turned around slowly and stared at Darryn Reynolds, Jane’s father, and one of the first people Mack had gone to apologize to after he had gotten his act together. Darryn was a shorter man, but then again a lot of people were shorter than Mack. He hadn’t spoken to the guy in longer than he could remember, but it was still a little uncomfortable for him being around the people he hurt.

  “Hey, Darryn. It’s been a long time.”

  The older man smiled and eyed him. “Looks like you’re staying in shape and being healthy. How’s the training going?”

  Mack smiled, but it was a bit forced. He didn’t tell people he fought in an underground circuit, and as far as they were concerned he made his living working at Harlond’s training center helping out other fighters the legal way.

  “It’s good. Keeps me busy.” He tried to smile genuinely, but it came out more like a scowl. He could feel it. “Everything going good with you? Haven’t seen or talked to you in a while.” Yeah, and that’s no one’s fault but your own.

  “Yeah.” Darryn looked a little uncomfortable.

  “Everything okay?” The last time they had spoken it had been slightly awkward, and Mack knew it was because of Jane. Once he had gotten clean he searched her out, wanting to apologize to her, too, but he had seen her laughing with other people when he showed up at her campus, and he certainly didn’t want to face her and bring back the memories he knew she most likely still had. No, it was better to just stay away. She had just seemed so happy, and Mack didn’t want to be the harbinger of the past. But she was always on his mind. Always. “Jane’s okay?” Whenever he thought of her or said her name his heart pounded hard in his chest and his mouth went dry. Darryn held his gaze for a moment before nodding.

  “Yeah, everything is okay. She’s, uh.” He scrubbed the back of his neck, and Mack’s body tensed even more. Shit, Darryn was about to tell him Jane was getting married, or maybe she was pregnant. The very idea of some other guy claiming her, marrying her, or her being pregnant had this rage burning through him. His jealousy was uncalled for. He knew that wanting her to be single like him was not a reality. He wanted to tell the older man to spit it the fuck out, because he was suddenly feeling very off-balance and nauseous. “She got a promotion and is the manager of her own office now.”

  Mack blinked twice and exhaled. “That’s great. I’m glad things are going well for her. She deserves it.”

  Darryn still seemed a bit unnerved by something. “Her company is leasing the Clevemont building off of Highton and Miller. It’s going to be a small law practice. Not sure how well it will do given the size of Absinthe, but this is a big deal for her.” Mack had heard something about a big city company buying out that part of the building, but he hadn’t given it much thought or asked about details. If it didn’t concern him he didn’t make it his business. “The firm is the same one that Jane works
for, and … and, well, they put her in charge of managing it.”

  Mack’s heart stopped beating right in his fucking chest, and the only thing he could hear was his pulse in his ears and his voice in his head repeating over and over that Janie was back in Absinthe. Mack nodded, but didn’t say anything because he didn’t trust his voice.

  “Listen, I’m glad I ran into you here, because you should know. I’d hate to have the two of you run into each other and be blindsided. Although she knows you still live in Absinthe, I also know you two haven’t spoken since … well, before she left for school.”

  Mack looked down, hating that even after all this time the shame he still felt over the destruction he had done to the people around him still pounded through him. He knew it would ever go away.

  “Yeah, I figured it was best just to let her live her life. Resurfacing, even after I was better, would only bring up the past, and I wanted her to stay happy.” Mack had spoken to her parents off and on over the years, and he had assumed they had kept Jane updated on how he was doing. They were just that kind of people, but he hadn’t even told anyone he traveled to Colton U to see her back in the day, saw that she was happy, and had been a coward and had turned right back around without saying one word to her.

  “I know, son, but she asked about you every time we talked, wanted to make sure you were doing okay, and I think enough time has passed between the two of you that you can get back to the way things used to be.” Mack shook his head, exhaled loudly, and knew that he could never be with Jane again. He had never stopped loving her, but how could she possibly get over what had happened between them, how he had pushed her away, said those things to her, and ruined everything? Yeah, time changed things, he was doing better, fantastic even, but in the end sometimes it was hard to leave the past alone. “Anyway, I had planned on telling you before she moved out here, but everything was still so up in the air.” Mack didn’t say anything, just nodded. “You know where we live, and you’re always welcome. We miss having you around.” Another register opened up, and Darryn gave him one last smile when the cashier called him over. “Don’t be a stranger anymore, Mack. Jane does miss you, even if she keeps it to herself.” Mack was glad she had a nice, happy life. If she hadn’t left all those years ago who in the hell knew if their lives would be the way they were now.

  “Uh, you going to check out, or what? I got stuff to do today.” He glanced down at the teenage guy behind him. He had a small hoop pierced through his nose and eyebrow, and had a scowl on his face that was filled with adolescent attitude. Clearly this kid wasn’t the sharpest to talk like that to a guy three times his size. On any other day Mack might have told the kid a few choice words about respect and all that shit, but his mind was in turmoil right now, and instead he scowled, and at least the kid had the intelligence to take a step back. Mack turned around, paid for his items, and made his way out to his SUV. He sat in the driver’s seat and stared out the front windshield for several minutes, just thinking about everything Darryn had said, about everything that had happened in the years after she had left, and what he planned on doing with the information that she was back in town. Could he really just go up and talk to her? It was really quite simple, but on the other hand it was the hardest fucking thing he had ever had to do. What if she had a husband and kids? Darryn hadn’t mentioned anything like that, not any of the times they had talked over the years either, which made him think she had neither, but that didn’t mean anything. Maybe he just thought it would be too painful to stand in front of her once again? And it would be, too. He curled his hands around the sterling wheel. He might not have been in a relationship since Jane, but he had fucked plenty of females. Was he proud of never having anything meaningful after her? Honestly he hadn’t wanted anything but the few hours that those random women had given him. Pushing all those other thoughts away he started the engine and drove back home. What he needed to do was get a good workout in, or better yet, get in the cage for an underground fight and get the anger and all the other turbulent emotions out of his system. Yeah, beating someone’s ass would make him feel a hell of a lot better and more in control.

  Chapter Three

  The feel of someone running their hands up and down Jane’s arm had her moaning and rolling onto her back. Was she dreaming? Everything sure seemed hazy enough that it was possible. Maybe she was dreaming of Mack? She certainly had been thinking about him enough. She kept her eyes closed and thought about her big Russian, the one that she had fallen for the moment he had spoken to her in the hallways of Absinthe High. God, that was ages ago. The hand touching her moved lower down her arm, along her belly, and stopped right at the top of her jeans. Hot breath teased the strip of skin that her shirt clearly didn’t cover, and goose bumps traveled along her body. All she could think about, picture, and smell, was Mack Draykovich. Even at only eighteen years old he had been over six foot, with a toned body and cut muscles. She could picture his face as he had looked down at her, right before he had slowly slid into her body and taken her virginity. His short dark hair had been lightly disheveled and slightly wet from perspiration. He had looked so fierce and rugged. His light eyes had seemed so serious, but then they had morphed into ecstasy as he had buried himself so deeply inside of her she would never forget what he felt like. Her pussy clenched on its own, like she had no control over her own body and it ached for one more time with Mack. All she had gotten was that one time of being with him sexually, that one time where she had felt his thick, hard length move in and out of her.

  She had long since put the past to rest, but as time went on she had put the memory of him to rest as well. This was her future, and he was her past. She pushed everything that was Mack out of her head, thinking it was her very overactive imagination that had her fantasizing about him, but still the hand on her belly moved lower yet until it was cupping her pussy. She felt like such a bitch for thinking about Mack when clearly Graison was the one touching her. Jane rolled to the side and sat on the edge of the bed.

  “Are you okay, honey?” He rested his hand on her shoulder.

  “I’m fine. What time is it?” She scrubbed her eyes. The curtains were closed and the room shrouded in a hazy muted light.

  “It’s a little after five. Your dad came home, and your mom is cooking dinner.” He pushed her hair off the nape of her neck and kissed her skin. She moved away and felt his hand fall from her shoulder. “Are you sure everything is okay? You’ve been acting funny for a while now.” Jane went over to her dresser and grabbed a hair tie. After she had her hair in a messy pony tail she braced her hands on the wood before her and leaned on it. Graison’s reflection was staring right at her, a concerned expression on his face. She should have broken it off with him months ago, right when she had accepted this position and knew that being with him wasn’t going to benefit either of them or expand into marriage and children. She had been thinking about doing it, but she had stayed with him because he was so good to her. He was a good man, but that also meant he deserved someone that wanted him as much as he wanted her. But there was just something missing between them. The sex was always so slow and safe, and there was never any excitement involved. It was like he was afraid she’d break. If it wasn’t missionary then it was her on the side with Graison behind her. When she had asked for it rough, for a little hair pulling, nails digging into flesh, and for him to spank her ass like he wanted to make her beg for it, this horrified look had crossed his face, and he hadn’t had sex with her for well over a week. Maybe he thought she was screwed up for wanting things that might not be considered “normal” for him, but shit, the life she had right now was mundane and filled with regret, and not normal in any sense.

  “I just….” She exhaled and lowered her eyes to star at the scarred, glossy wood of the dresser. “I just don’t know what’s happening with me. It’s like as soon as I crossed into Absinthe I was crossing into the Twilight Zone.” She chuckled humorlessly at her words, because she had only been back home for a few s
hort hours, and already she felt weird. “I know that sounds really fucked up.”

  “Honey, let’s watch our language.” She gritted her teeth and smiled, but it wasn’t one that was filled with amusement. She turned around, but bit her tongue from blurting out a string of profanities. He was so damn proper. She needed to be alone, to gather her thoughts. Graison stood and took a step forward. “You’ve been acting distant lately. Is it because of the move? Are you having second thoughts about taking the promotion?” He stopped in front of her and took hold of her hands. “It isn’t too late to go back to Colton. I’m sure Michael would be more than willing to give you your old position back.”

  “It’s not the job, or moving back to Absinthe.” Well, it was partly about moving back to Absinthe, but she didn’t say that. She really didn’t want to string him along any further, but she also didn’t want to break his heart. “I just think that it would be better if I—”

  “Jane, sweetheart?” There was a knock on her bedroom door before her mother pushed it open and stuck her head inside. “Are you guys ready for dinner?”

  “Yeah, Mom, we’re coming now.” They were left alone once more, and she moved away from Graison. “Come, we better go downstairs, or my dad will start yelling up the stairs.” She tried to offer a genuine smile, but she knew it didn’t really come out as such.

  Once they were downstairs her dad gave her a big hug. When he pulled back there was this strange look in his eyes, but she couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Usually she was good at reading him, but right now he had a tight wall around his expression. That had warning bells going off inside of her. They moved into the kitchen and sat down to eat. Lasagna, garlic bread, and a salad all sat in the center of the table. Her mother and Graison started dishing out food while talking to each other. Graison was busy patting himself on the back about the blip in an accounting spreadsheet he found, which had saved his company three million dollars in losses. She had heard this story three times already when he had told others. She shook her head at the annoyance she had inside of her. She was taking out her own issues on a man that didn’t deserve it. She turned and looked at her dad, who watched her intently.