Hurts So Good Read online

  “What’s wrong?” She slowly shook her head and took the bowl of salad offered to her. “We’ll talk after dinner. Catch up on the deck, okay, sweetie?” He joined in on the conversation with her mom and Graison, but the look that had been on her dad’s face, and the fact he seemed so serious all of a sudden, told her whatever he had to tell her wasn’t just about “catching up”.

  Once everyone finished, her mom and Graison went into the living room. “I’ll meet you guys in there in a bit. I just need some fresh air.” Jane opened the sliding door that led out to the deck and saw her dad sitting in one of the patio chairs smoking a cigar. “I thought you quit those nasty things?” He turned and looked at her, smiled, and stubbed it out.

  “I did. Kind of. Don’t tell your mom, though.”

  Jane sat in the empty seat beside him and looked over the wooden fence at the neighbor’s backyard and watched two little girls take turns going down the slide.

  “I’m sure Mom can smell it on you, Dad. You reek.” She rested her head on the back of the chair, turned to look at him, and smiled. “No offense.” He chuckled and reached over to pat her leg.

  “None taken, baby girl. I shouldn’t smoke those damn things.” They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, and the sound of the little girls’ laughter a few houses down was nice to listen to. “So, you ready to start work?”

  “Yeah. It’s nothing different from what I was doing at the Colton branch, it’s just now I’ll get credit for it.” He patted her leg again and rested his head against the chair. “Are you okay? You seemed off back in the kitchen.” Her pulse started to race slightly when she watched her dad swallow.

  “You and Graison doing good?” He looked at her, and she turned and watched the little girls run toward the back door and inside their house. Before she could answer her dad was talking again. “I like him. He seems like a good kid, maybe too good. You know what I mean?” He nudged her shoulder with his, and she faced him once more.

  “He’s safe, Dad.”

  He nodded. “I know, baby girl, but sometimes safe isn’t always the right path.” She let those words sink in for a moment. “Sometimes taking the safest route will get you hurt the hardest.” Her father may be a retired English teacher, but he was the smartest man she knew. “I ran into an old friend at Smith’s Market today.” And that was when her pulse really went frantic, because she knew her father wouldn’t be acting this way, or telling her about going to the store and running into an old friend, if it was just anyone.

  “Mack’s doing good?” He showed a second of surprise on his face. “What, you think you are so good at hiding what’s going on? Sometimes I can tell what is going on before I think you even do.” She smiled, but she felt frazzled inside.

  “I didn’t know how to bring it up. When you first left for college you were so broken. I argued with your mother on letting you leave, but we knew you couldn’t stay here while Mack was in a bad place. He’d only bring you down right along with him.”

  “Yeah, I know. That’s why I forced myself to leave. I just couldn’t do it anymore, and there was nothing and no one that could get through to him.”

  “We never stopped watching over him, and never stopped trying to help him, but Mack had sunk a hell of a lot deeper than any of us ever thought possible.” This conversation was bringing up very painful memories, and she really didn’t want to rehash everything again. She had already gone over this so many times she was overflowing with the memories. “He’s doing very well for himself.” She nodded but couldn’t face her father.

  “Did you bring me out here to talk about the past? Because I’ll tell you, Dad, I really don’t want to go there. I think about it enough on my own.” She brushed away a stray tear and sniffed.

  “I know, sweetheart, but that’s not why I brought you out here. I just wanted you to know that I ran into Mack at the grocery store, and told him you were back in town and why.” He reached over and used his thumb to brush away one of her tears. “I thought it was best that he knew and didn’t accidently run into you in town. The last few years he really keeps to himself anymore.”

  There were a lot of questions she had, but none she wanted to bring up to her dad. They were questions that only Mack could answer.

  “Thanks, Dad. I knew I would eventually have to face this, and you would think after all this time I would not feel as scared as I do. I mean we are both adults now.” She turned and looked at him. “But I have every intention of talking to him. We need to talk … about everything.”

  “Sweetheart, you can never get rid of fear until you face it.” He leaned over and placed a kiss on her cheek, and then stood. “I know you probably need a minute.” She nodded but didn’t look at him. The sound of the backdoor opening and closing broke up the silence. She stayed on the deck for a few more minutes, but soon the door behind her was opening and the sound of Graison politely asking her inside to go through old photo albums brought her back to the present. Yeah, safe, that was her life now, and it wasn’t all that comforting.

  ****

  “Dude, what the fuck is going on with you?”

  Mack slammed his fist into the red punching bag over and over again. His knuckles were sore, even with the protective tape covering them, but he needed more pain, wanted more until there was nothing left. London’s voice was hard with annoyance, but Mack paid him no attention and went back to sparring with the nonliving opponent in front of him. Since talking with Darryn a few days ago all Mack had been doing was working out, and hoping that the fight he was participating in tonight would help run him out of steam.

  “Don’t fucking ask questions, London. Just hold the damn punching bag.” He hated feeling like this, snapping at his friends because he was unstable as shit. Sweat dripped from his temple down his face, and perspiration covered his chest and back. He was exhausted, having been up since four in the morning, and not having stopped once. It was going on noon, and despite his muscles and bones screaming at him to stop, he wasn’t going to.

  “Mack, go hydrate and rest. You’re going to run yourself into the ground, and won’t be any use tonight in the cage.” Harlond’s voice came through like a crack of a whip, and Mack slowed his movements before stopping altogether. He sucked in air, his chest heaving from the force of his respirations. He looked at the older man who was still as fit as any of the fighters that he trained. He was also stubborn and had a temper, but he had been the one person that had taken him in and forced him to change his ways. “Meet me in the med room, Mack. Now.” Harlond turned and stalked toward the back.

  London whispered low. “Damn, dude, Harlond seems pissed, and for once it isn’t because of me.”

  Mack narrowed his eyes at London and grunted. “What do you expect, man? You’re with his little girl.” When London came clean that he was with Sunny, Harlond’s daughter and the woman Mack saw as a little sister, there had been a lot of tension around. Yeah, it had mainly been from Mack, but he knew Harlond was iffy about the fighter’s and his little girl’s relationship. The old man might act like he accepted what was going on between them, but the truth was London had a past that was just as dirty as the rest of theirs. But he loved Sunny, and that much was clear. Mack had been angry because he had watched over Sunny since she was young, saw her as a little sister, and had wanted to do right for her since he hadn’t done right by Jane.

  “Whatever. He knows damn well I’ll never let anything happen to her.” Mack grunted again, and caught the towel London tossed at him. “Better not keep him waiting.” Mack ran the towel over his face, neck, and chest, and turned to head to the medic room. Harlond was putting gel packs in the freezer, but when Mack shut the door behind him he turned around and crossed his beefy arms over his chest. Mack may have a good three inches on Harlond’s six foot height, and over seventy pounds of muscle on his trainer’s frame, but the old man could still intimidate him with one look.

  “What in the hell are you doing out there?”

  Mack took on the same stance with his arms crossed. He leaned against the closed door. “Working out. Isn’t that what usually goes on here?” He didn’t mean to be an asshole, but he had been so damn edgy the last few days.

  “I’m going to ignore that you just said that, because I can see something is messing with you.” There was a moment of silence where they just stared at each other. “Why don’t you tell me what the problem is?” The thing that Mack liked most about Harlond was the fact he never pried. Not in the last ten years did he ever push him to talk about anything. But right now it was clear on the man’s face he wasn’t about to let this go. Mack sighed and ran a hand over his short hair. The spiky strands were wet, even though he had toweled off. He was losing too much fluid, hadn’t hydrated enough throughout the day, and knew that if he didn’t take care of himself he wasn’t going to be any good to anyone. As if Harlond read his mind he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and walked over to hand it to him. Mack drank half of it and moved over to the empty chair Harlond gestured to.

  Harlond had been the only person he had spoken to in great detail as to why he had gone off the deep end all those years ago. Sure, people knew, and if they didn’t know him personally and had seen what had gone down then they heard through the rumor mill. But Mack had never actually spoken to anyone about his problems, not in depth at least. He had been required to speak to a counselor while he was getting sober, but he had withheld a lot from them. He stuck with training and trying to work through his problems on his own. Maybe he should have talked to someone experienced in dealing with what he had gone through, and shouldn’t have dealt with it himself, because it was clear he still had issues, but when he had told Harlond about everything, things just seemed to fit together.

  Harlond took a seat
beside Mack. “Now, how about you tell me what is going on?” Mack had no intention of lying, but he didn’t want to talk about it either. But the thing with Harlond was that he wouldn’t relent, not if he was insistent on something. “You have to talk about your problems, son.” Mack saw from the corner of his eye that Harlond looked over at him, but Mack kept his head forward. Over the years he had seen Harlond as a father figure. Of course his trainer could never replace his dad, but he had been a good substitute. Sunny had also helped him, and there had been many times that he had felt like giving up again, but he had pushed through all of that, knowing that he didn’t want to go down that road again.

  “Jane is back in town.” He turned and looked at Harlond. “For good.” His trainer nodded and lifted his hand to run it through his short graying hair. “Ran into her dad at the store a few days ago. I haven’t talked to her since I pushed her away all those years ago.” Harlond nodded again. He also knew that Mack had gone up there to see her one time, but hadn’t actually spoken to her.

  “It’s time to move on. You’ve got your life on track, got yourself clean and your shit together. There ain’t no need to hold onto the past like this. Hell, you think she is still dwelling on it?” Mack turned and looked at him, and there was this serious expression on Harlond’s face. Mack didn’t know the answer to that, so he just didn’t respond. “Look, get over it, okay?” He knew Harlond meant well, but the old man’s words pissed him off.

  “That’s easy for you to say.” He gritted out the words, but as soon as they left his mouth he regretted them.

  “It’s easy for me?” Harlond kept his voice controlled, but the look on his face was anything but. “Who is the one that pulled you out of the gutter instead of letting you rot there? Who is the one that took you in and treated you like one of my own? And who in the hell was the one that stuck by your side when you would have relapsed and lost everything once again? And you have the balls to tell me that it’s easy for me?” He stood, his hands clenched at his sides, and his jaw hardened.

  “You know what I am saying, Harlond. I love that girl. I’m still in love with her, and I know there isn’t anything that can ever make things right. Even if she forgave me, you think she is going to want me?” Mack’s voice was rising on its own accord. “You think she can look at me and not see the fuck-up that chose alcohol, drugs, and my own selfish need instead of her?”

  Harlond looked at him with a hard expression. “You need to get over it. It has been ten damn years. Ten long years. And the next step is talking to that girl, apologizing to her face-to-face, and salvaging what is left. Dwelling on this shit is like beating a dead horse. I don’t want to be harsh, but you need harsh. Get the fuck over it.” He held Mack’s gaze for several moments, and then turned and walked toward the front door, but when he gripped the handle Mack called out.

  “You’re right.” Harlond didn’t turn around. “I’m sorry for saying that. I’m sorry for being a pain in the ass. I will never be able to say thank you enough for what you did for me, for making me see what I was doing to others, and for the fact you took me under your wing.” Harlond’s shoulders sagged. “It is time that I man-up, go to Jane, and say the things I should have said to her all those years ago.” Harlond still didn’t turn around, but he nodded once, opened the door, and left Mack to his thoughts, and how exactly he was going to confront the woman he was still in love with.

  Chapter Four

  Jane did another walkthrough of the new office she would be managing. “J&A Attorneys at Law” was scheduled to open next week, if things went as planned. Even though Absinthe was a smaller town, and certainly didn’t have the geographical reach like Colton had, it got a lot of traffic since it was in a central location for several bigger towns. J&A also had a very prestigious reputation, so Jane had no doubt that it would do really well.

  “Everything look good?”

  Jane ran her finger along the edge of a large picture of a waterfall surrounded by large evergreens and spruces. She turned and looked at Celine, the receptionist for this office, and smiled.

  “It looks great. Thanks for all your help getting the details in order for the opening.”

  Celine shrugged, but there was a light tinge of pink that appeared on her cheeks. She was a little thing, with a bob of reddish brown hair, dark brown eyes, and a rack that looked slightly off on her small body due to how huge it was.

  “You were the one that did most of the work. But I think the brown and teal really complement each other well.” Jane couldn’t agree more. The two colors accented each other, and the pictures of the forests in the next town over made the office serene. Jane turned back around and looked at the electric fireplace that they had added for a touch of comfort. There were three offices in the back for the attorneys to consult with clients, and for her to manage the paperwork. The secretary’s desk was situated right before the double frosted doors that led to said offices, and a nice, small, and quaint little waiting area where prospective clients first walked in. The good thing about this promotion was she wouldn’t have to spend much time speaking with clients. Mainly she would be managing court hearings, the legal documents for the attorneys, and other personal matters that went on behind the scenes that the lawyers didn’t have time for. Vibrating came from her pocket, and she reached in and retrieved her cell. Her dad’s number flashed, and she slid her finger across the screen to answer it. “Hi, Dad.” She adjusted one of the smaller pictures, which was slightly crooked.

  “Hi, honey.” There was something off about her dad’s voice.

  “What’s wrong?” Jane sat in one of the leather chairs and breathed out when her dad didn’t answer. “What is wrong now, Dad?”

  “Someone came to the house looking for you today.” Her heart pounded ridiculously hard, and she placed a hand on the center of her chest. She didn’t need to ask who that someone was, because Mack was all she had been able to focus on since she had come to town a few days ago, and it had only gotten worse when she had that talk with her dad. She had come to the conclusion that she wasn’t going to hide from him or their past, and that it was time to move on, but free time had been slim since she had been preparing the office.

  “So, what, you told him where I was?” She scrubbed a hand over her eyes.

  “Of course not, although he knows you’ll be working at the office now, but I took his information and told him I’d let you know he wants to talk. Honey, it is totally up to you on what you want to do with this.” She didn’t say anything for a minute, and just watched a few people come and go out of the little clothing store right across the street. “We can talk about this when you get home, okay?”

  “No, just let me have his number and address.” She stood and walked over to the receptionist’s desk and grabbed a pen and slip of paper. Her dad gave her the information, and when they got off the phone she stared at the numbers she’d scribbled down. Heart racing, palms sweaty, and adrenalin pounding through her veins, Jane hadn’t realized how hard this really was. Wasn’t this what she had planned on, though? Contacting Mack and sitting down to work through all of their problems so that maybe, just maybe, they could become friends once again. She knew that any kind of romantic relationship between them wasn’t a reality, and not just because of Graison, because she knew that being with Graison wasn’t something she could do any longer. Jane knew she and Mack couldn’t be together in any other way than as friends because, well, the history between them was too rough and raw. It shouldn’t be a problem anymore, but this was reality, and not some movie or book where she could just turn the page and everything would be okay.