Lost In You (The Soldiers of Wrath MC) Read online

  “I had a good day in therapy today.”

  “That’s good.”

  “She doesn’t allow me to shy away from challenges.”

  “She gives you challenges?”

  “Like homework. She gives me a suggestion of what she thinks could help me progress and if I do it, I must tell her all about it, how I felt and things like that.”

  “Okay.” Nerd frowned. This was the most that she’d ever spoken of her therapy. “What kind of challenges has she given you?”

  “The first one was talking with Deanna and finding the strength to talk to the women. Nothing big, just little things, asking how they were or just saying hey.”

  “Did it help?”

  “Yes. Amy seemed to understand what I was doing, and she’s been a big help. But,” she looked at him, “I don’t know. I feel weird talking to her, to be honest. I feel like something is blocking me from really wanting to open up to her.”

  Nerd tensed, not liking the sound of that. “Is it hard to talk to me?”

  “No. I find when it comes to you, I can talk to you and I don’t have these crazy attacks. You’re the only one I can talk to. I told Jamie about that, and she said it was because you saved me. You make me feel safe, and she advised that if I do feel like that, then I’m to try to seek you out to help me deal with the panic attack I’m having. It’s a compliment. At least, I hope it’s a compliment. I don’t want to upset you.”

  Nerd smiled. “You’re not upsetting me. Far from it. If you need me to feel safe, then I’m happy to be here to help you feel safe.” He gripped her shoulder, giving her a gentle squeeze, offering her reassurance. “What is your challenge now?” he asked.

  “It’s about you,” she said.

  “It is? Wow, what is it?”

  Hannah turned toward him, and he noticed her face was a deep red. Was she embarrassed? Upset? He wasn’t sure what was going on, only that he didn’t like the thought of her feeling anything but safe.

  “It’s something important, and I don’t know what to say or what to do.”

  “Hannah, this therapist can’t make you do what you don’t want to do.”

  “I do though. I do want to do this.” She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his.

  What the fuck was the therapist doing?

  Chapter Six

  She was doing this, actually kissing Nerd ... and it felt incredible. He was motionless, not kissing her back, but she had to assume he was probably confused as hell as to what she was doing. Finally pulling away—although it had felt like minutes, she knew she’d only been kissing him for seconds—Hannah looked up at his face. Her cheeks still felt as though it was on fire, but this weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

  “I like you, Nerd.” She looked down at the ground, feeling all kinds of embarrassed. When she felt his fingers under her chin, lifting her head up so she had to look at him, strength moved through her. “You make me feel safe, make me happy, and when I’m with you I don’t feel like anything bad can happen.”

  “Baby, I promise you I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

  She knew that, believed every word he said. Nerd made her feel as if there were possibilities out there. Hell, look at her now. She was in school, and although she was dealing with shit that may or may not ever go away, she was still dealing with it. Telling Nerd how she felt and kissing him, albeit it was only a peck, made her feel stronger. She could do anything, and that made her happy.

  This was the first step in making herself whole, and it felt incredible.

  Nerd needed to remind himself to go slow, but she was a fragile woman, and she needed time. But there was a part of him that just wanted to ravish her, to let her know she was his and nothing would change that.

  He stroked her cheek, looked at the gentle slope of her lips, the way they were redder because of the kiss. He was shocked she’d been bold enough to kiss him, but he was so fucking happy she had. For a long time he’d been waiting, not sure if she’d ever been ready for him to tell her, show her how he felt. And even though a kiss didn’t mean she wanted to be his old lady, the fact she was telling him all of this stuff now made him feel so fucking happy.

  “I’m proud of you,” he said softly.

  She smiled. “Why?”

  “You’re making progress and taking one day at a time.”

  She looked away, her cheeks red. “I want to think I am, but I know I have a long way to go.” She lifted her head and looked at him again. “But I know what I want, and it’s time I stop being afraid of that. I can’t let my past dictate how I live my life.”

  Yeah, his woman was so fucking strong. “And what do you want, baby?”

  She didn’t answer for several seconds, took a deep breath, and then finally spoke. “I want you, Nerd. I want to see where this goes, where we go.”

  He didn’t speak, wanting to see if she’d say anything else, but fuck did he love hearing her say that. “I want that too,” he said, not able to keep his mouth shut anymore. He wanted her in any way she wanted to give herself to him. If that meant she needed all the time in the world, then so be it.

  Nerd may not have been wholesome and pure is entire life, never even wanted an old lady before. But from the moment he took Hannah out of that hellhole he knew he wanted her as his.

  “Let me take you out for a date, Hannah.”

  She looked surprised at first but then smiled. “A date?”

  He nodded, feeling out of place as he’d never actually taken a woman to anywhere but his bedroom. But Hannah was different, special. He wanted so much with her.

  “Yeah, baby.” He smoothed his finger over her cheek again. “I have all the time in the world when it comes to you, and I want to make you see that this world isn’t filled with shitty things. I want to make you happy.”

  Well damn, he was getting all sentimental and shit. If any of the other bikers heard him, they’d tear him a new one and laugh their asses off. But Nerd didn’t give a shit. This was about him and Hannah, and that was all that mattered.

  “I’d like that,” she said and smiled.

  This time he leaned in to kiss her. He went all slow, making sure to give her time in case she wanted to back away. But she didn’t, and when their lips pressed together he had to will his fucking cock to chill the hell out. He sure as fuck didn’t want his hard-on digging into her belly and scaring the shit out of her.

  “You sure this is all okay?” he whispered against her mouth and felt her nod.

  “It’s more than okay.”

  He smiled.

  “I feel like I can be free with you, and I don’t want to let that go.”

  He didn’t want her to feel anything but that with him. Nerd wanted her to really be happy. That was all he wanted, and it just so happened she wanted that with him. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve even a chance at being with Hannah, but he wasn’t going to fuck this up. And he’d sure as hell mess anyone up that thought to get in the way of them being together.

  Chapter Seven

  “You’re going on a date?” Jamie asked.

  “He asked me to go on a date, and I said yes,” Hannah said. She clasped her hands together, hoping that she’d done the right thing. She felt as though she had. Going on a date with Nerd was rather exciting. It was what she wanted to do and couldn’t wait for it. Friday night at seven she was supposed to be ready. With Deanna, Amy, and Eloise’s help, she’d picked out a dress. It was a deep red dress, and Eloise had offered to do her hair, and of course she’d accepted. She’d never been the kind of person to spend so much time primping and preparing to look pretty.

  “Are you happy about that?”

  “Yes, I am. I mean, I’ve never been on a date before, and I really look forward to being with him.”

  “Nerd?”

  “He’s a club brother, and he’s been really nice to me.” She rubbed her hands together.

  “Does he expect more from you? Do you think he’ll want to go further, t
hat maybe knowing your weakness is what he likes? Wasn’t that how it happened with the past; regarding using your weakness for their own gain?”

  She shook her head. “He’s not like that. From the moment he saved me, he’s been there but he’s not been putting pressure, and he doesn’t expect anything from me. I don’t like you trying to insinuate that he is. That’s not fair.”

  Jamie held her hands up. “I’m sorry.”

  Hannah shook her head. “I think I should go. I don’t like this.”

  “Hannah?”

  She grabbed her bag and headed for the door. She’d been tense when opening up to Jamie since the first day, but right now was the first time the other woman had made her downright uncomfortable. Pausing at the door, she hesitated and finally looked back. “I don’t think it’s fair that you ask me to try new things and then accused him.”

  “I didn’t—”

  “You did in a way, and that’s not fair. He’s been really nice to me, and there’s no pressure with him. He doesn’t expect me to do things or to be someone different. When I’m with him I’m safe.”

  Glancing around the room, Hannah tried to focus on the flower painting directly in front of her. She loved the shocking pink, which seemed to be so out of place in such a sterile environment. Jamie had a thing for white and black. The sofas were white leather, and they squeaked as she sat down. Hannah tried not to move as each noise made her feel exposed. The table before her was made of glass, yet it was black. Closing her eyes, she tried to remind herself that she was safe, this was a safe place to be.

  “We have to push a little to get through the root of your problems. I have to ask these things, but I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

  Maybe Jamie had only been trying to do that, but Hannah didn’t want to even have Nerd associated with the things Jamie asked about. Everything in the room felt compressed, squashing her in place. Opening the door, she rushed to escape. Amy was in the waiting room, and the smile that was on her face disappeared. “What is it?”

  “I want to go.”

  “You’ve only been in there half an hour.”

  “It was half an hour too long.”

  She wanted to get away from Jamie, from the pity, and the question in her eyes. Or maybe she was just making this too big of a deal? Maybe what Jamie said was meant to break her so she could heal?

  Nerd was a generous, loving man, and he’d only done everything to accept her in his world. Once they were in the car, she let Amy know everything, breaking down as she did.

  By the time she got to the clubhouse, she was a mess and made her excuses to go straight to her room. On her bed, she cried the tears of everything she had lost, what she’d allowed herself to be thrust into, and the fact she was afraid of not knowing what the future held. If it wasn’t for her encounter with that cult, no one would be pitying her, she wouldn’t be this broken wreck, and maybe, just maybe, she’d have been able to be everything to Nerd.

  Nerd was pissed. He’d watched Hannah rush out of Amy’s car, tears rushing down her face. Standing outside of her bedroom door, his anger had only grown at the sobbing he’d heard. Someone was going to pay.

  Amy had told him everything, and now he sat in Jamie’s room, flicking through her fucking notes on Hannah, and he was even more pissed. Of course, he’d broken into the therapist’s office and found all the information he needed. Nerd wasn’t interested in abiding by the law. Jamie wasn’t here, and he wanted a chance to read through the notes without her interference.

  How the fuck had they missed this?

  Jamie, the fucking bitch, had made Hannah cry. Was she more interested in getting to the Soldiers than she was in helping anyone? But he didn’t know shit about therapists, and didn’t know their angle. He didn’t like the fact that they got into people’s heads.

  Fuck.

  This was going to be the last time Hannah came to this therapist, because he couldn’t stand her upset, even in a messed-up way that was supposed to help. He’d already spoken to Gregory, and although it wasn’t normal, Gregory was a smart man and knew how dangerous Nerd was.

  But the more he read her notes, the more he saw the things she put down about the club. It rubbed him the wrong way that he focused so much on his MC.

  He heard Jamie coming close, and he tensed, waiting.

  Nerd could have gotten the fuck out of there and put her shit back, but he wanted answers, and he’d be getting them right now. He looked at the door when it opened.

  Jamie stopped and looked at him. “Excuse me. Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my office?”

  “I’d say the cut answers that question.” Sure, Jamie was a beautiful woman, but she was also taking advantage of his woman, and a part of him knew it had to do with getting at the club. He didn’t like that. “Close the door.”

  “I take it you’re Nerd.”

  “Why are you digging at my girl? You trying to get in with the club, get dirty shit on us to get in good with another group?” He set the papers down and took a step closer. “Or maybe you’re just a slut wanting some outlaw cock.”

  Her eyes were glazed over, and he could tell she loved every single second of this. Huh, looks like the past part is her motive? It sickened him. The sight of her getting off on this pissed him off. She was supposed to be helping, and yet all she cared about was herself.

  She pulled up her shirt and he looked down to see her side. There she had a tattoo that red “Ricky’s Property.”

  The bitch used to be a club whore or an old lady?

  “I can be anything you want me to be.”

  He growled out low. “Do you really think I’m here for your used-up old pussy? Do you really think my MC is going to want washed-up club pussy?” This had to be the most fucked-up situation he’d been in, and Nerd had been in some pretty fucked-up shit.

  “So it’s because she’s young then?”

  Nerd shook his head. “I’ve fucked women older than you that not only have some class, but some fucking respect. Those women wouldn’t use their patient to get to the club. You lead with your pussy, not your head. It makes me wonder how you even got your degree.”

  “I can get on my knees and show you.”

  “If you were a man I would have beat your fucking ass by now, but I don’t hurt women. I’ll let Gregory know about this bullshit and the lines you crossed with Hannah.” He smirked. “I’d save the cock sucking, and the ass kissing, for him. You stay away from Hannah and away from the club.”

  “Why should I do that?” Jamie asked. The real bitch coming out to play.

  Nerd closed the distance between them. Wrapping his fingers around her neck, he tightened his hold, not hurting her, but letting her know his words were real. “Don’t believe everything you hear or watch on television. I may not hurt a woman that crosses my path but if she fucks with what I hold dear and tries to twist shit around for her own gain, I have no problem snapping necks to get rid of the problem.” He bared his teeth. “I’d make sure you’d look back on this moment and regret ever putting doubt about my integrity when it comes to Hannah. You will stay away from her and the club. That’s my final warning.”

  He gave another squeeze, letting her know it was a real threat before he let her go.

  Chapter Eight

  Hannah’s hands were shaking, her heart was racing, and she honestly didn’t know what to expect on her date tonight. The truth was she’d never actually been on a date.

  “You look really pretty.”

  She turned and stared at Deanna who stood in the doorway.

  Hannah smiled. “I’m so nervous.”

  Deanna came inside, her smile genuine. “There’s nothing to be nervous about.” Deanna came up behind her, and together they looked at their reflections in the large mirror. She then lifted Hannah’s hair. “You look gorgeous either way, but if you wore your hair up it would show off the slender column of your neck and your delicate collarbones.” Deanna smiled again. “And although Nerd is already h
ead over heels for you, I bet he’d be speechless when he sees you.”

  Hannah felt her cheeks heat, felt her heart race, and knew that what she felt for Nerd was unlike anything she’d ever experienced before.

  “You really care for him,” Deanna said without phrasing it as a question. She reached over on the dresser and grabbed a few bobby pins off it and went to work on putting her hair up. “This is okay?”

  Hannah nodded. “Yeah, I really care for him.” She saw Deanna smile. The other woman wasn’t looking at her but rather putting up pieces of her hair. They stayed like that in silence for several moments. When Deanna was finally done, Hannah was surprised what a short amount of time and some bobby pins could accomplish.

  “Do you like it?”

  Hannah nodded. “Talented.”

  Deanna laughed. “Nah.”

  Hannah turned around and nodded. “You did this with like a handful of bobby pins.” Her hair was up, pieces twisted in places, but also having delicately-placed strands around her face. It was feminine, beautiful.

  “My hair is a wild mess, so I have a lot of practice with just throwing it up and hoping it looks okay.” Deanna fixed a strand that was loose. “But you’re naturally beautiful, and Nerd isn’t going to know what to think or say when he sees you.”

  Hannah’s damn cheeks heated again.

  “Where’s he taking you?”

  Hannah walked over to the closet and opened it. She had a pair of tennis shoes and a pair of boots, but other than that she had nothing that would match the leggings and lacy tunic she wore. She’d been lucky, and very thankful, that the ladies of the club had gotten her things to wear, but right now she was drawing a blank on how to act for this whole date.

  “Come with me. I have the perfect, no-fuss shoes for you.”

  They left the hallway and went into another room that was on the other side of the MC. The room they went into was just a spare bedroom, but there was a crib set up on one side and a bunch of baby stuff scattered about.