Lost In You (The Soldiers of Wrath MC) Read online

  “We use this room when we need to crash. Sometimes when it’s late and we’re already here with Ty, we just stay. It’s convenient.”

  Hannah nodded and walked over to the crib, running her hands over the smooth wood. “How’s he doing?” She looked over her shoulder at Deanna, who was bent down and rummaging in her closet.

  “He’s good. Keeps us up at night, and my boobs are sore as hell,” she looked over her shoulder and smiled, “but worth every second.”

  Hannah had always wanted children, but until she fixed herself there wasn’t going to be any of that. She had a lot of baggage as it was, and she also needed to figure out what was going on with her and Nerd ... if there was anything going on with them.

  Shit, Nerd had never been this fucking nervous before.

  “You want a shot or something, man?” Vengeance asked, standing behind the bar.

  “Nah, I need a clear head tonight.” Not only did he want to be sober when he took Hannah out, but he also wanted to be thinking clearly when he told her she couldn’t see Jamie anymore. He honestly didn’t know if there was another agenda on that bitch’s mind, but one thing was for sure—she clearly wanted MC dick, and that wasn’t going to happen.

  He didn’t know if Hannah would be relived or upset when he told her about Jamie, but he wanted to be honest with her in all things.

  “Dude, here she comes.”

  Nerd turned around and saw Hannah coming down the hallway, right to him. His heart beat faster and he straightened, turning around fully to face her. She wore a white lacy shirt and a pair of black leggings that molded to her body perfectly. She wore these black shoes that reminded him of what a ballerina might wear. And her hair was up, little strands framing her face, and a lot of fucking skin showing on her upper chest.

  She stopped a few feet from him, her cheeks pink and looking so fucking gorgeous he couldn’t even breathe.

  “Wow,” was all he could say.

  “Thank you,” she said softly, and all he wanted to do was pull her in and kiss her. He was aware of the club members staring at them, and even though these were his brothers, his family, he could get pretty fucking possessive and protective of her.

  “You all better stop looking at us before I beat some ass.”

  There was some shuffling, even a few murmured chuckles.

  “You ready?” Damn, were his hands shaking?

  Fuck yeah they are.

  “I’m ready, Nerd.”

  Hell, it felt so fucking good to hear her say his name. He didn’t know how he was going to keep himself from kissing her, but if there was anything worth working at, it was being the only one for Hannah.

  Chapter Nine

  Hannah couldn’t recall ever seeing Nerd in anything but leather and denim. He looked really handsome and dashing. Taking his arm, he walked her toward the car for their date. Date, wow, she couldn’t believe she was going on an actual date.

  “You don’t need to be nervous,” he said.

  After climbing into the car, she did her seatbelt and waited for him to climb behind the wheel.

  You can do this, Hannah.

  “I was really nervous before I saw you,” she said. “I think I built it up in my head, and I made it out to be more than it had to be, if that makes any sense. I hope it does.” She gave a little chuckle and then cursed herself. Why the hell was she giggling like a little girl?

  “I’m nervous too. This is the first date I’ve been on.”

  “It is?” she asked.

  “Yeah. Kind of strange. We’re going to be each other’s first date.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t know we were. You’ve never had a date, not at all?” she asked, not really believing for a second that Nerd hadn’t been on a date.

  “Women who are part of the club are easy. I don’t need to wine and dine them. Fuck, I probably shouldn’t have said that.”

  “Nerd, I know I’ve not given you much cause to believe me, but I’m not going to fall apart because of how you lived your life. I like to think I can go back to the way I was before. You know, laughing without fear. Maybe even walking down a street without fear of someone coming and taking me again. I do want my life back.”

  “I want you to have your life back,” Nerd said, looking toward her.

  “Don’t change for me, please. Be who you’ve always been. Be you.”

  “Honey, you may not like the real me.”

  Hannah stared at him. “I doubt that.” She liked him. Nerd wasn’t a handsome man. He was kind of messy. His hair longer and not kept at all. She’d noticed his clothes were always creased and in need of a good iron. But she liked every part of him. He was rough around the edges, but she liked those sharp angles of him. “I like you. I find you’re fun to be around.”

  “You do?”

  “Yeah. You don’t expect anything from me, and you don’t demand that I talk, which is a real bonus. I hate talking, and I find it really uncomfortable to actually do.” Talking with her therapist was hard, and with the Soldiers paying for her care, she felt obliged to talk.

  He chuckled. “You know, usually I can’t get a woman to shut up. You, I can’t get to talk. I like you anyway you come, Hannah. Just be yourself and don’t worry about anything else.”

  “I don’t think I want to go and see the therapist anymore,” she said.

  “You don’t have to. I’ve spoken to Gregory. He’s happy to take your case.”

  She didn’t speak for a moment. “You spoke to Gregory? When? What about Jamie?” She knitted her brows low, confusion filling her.

  “Don’t worry about anything. She’s got other cases to deal with.”

  This was a little strange, but she’d felt weird speaking with Jamie, like she couldn’t really be honest and open. But Hannah had told herself over and over again it was just because she didn’t want to express how she really felt because her fear was too strong. She cleared her throat. “Maybe she just isn’t the right fit for me.”

  “We all have methods of dealing with problems.”

  “How do you deal with yours?” she asked.

  “I kill my problems.”

  She didn’t know what to say for long seconds. “Really?”

  “Yeah. I do,” he said without remorse or apology.

  She should be afraid of him, terrified. She wasn’t. Nerd killed his problems, and some problems needed to be put in the ground. She knew that more than ever after what she’d gone through. “That’s what you did to mine.”

  “Those bastards were hurting you. They shouldn’t have been doing shit like that. Not to you, or to anyone. We may be a biker club and break a shit load of rules, but we’ve got morals, and I don’t hurt women.”

  Hannah smiled. “That’s good to know.”

  “Fuck, you’re not afraid of me, are you?”

  “Not at all. I actually find you rather charming. Is that strange?” she asked. “Not many men would offer to kill a problem, or actually do it. You did. I think that takes some balls.”

  She stared down at her clasped hands.

  “You say things, and I don’t have a clue how to respond.”

  Hannah stared at his hands, which gripped the steering wheel. He was driving a manual, and as he changed the gears, she couldn’t help but admire his hands. What would it feel like to hold him, to have him hold her?

  She had to try new things, and Nerd didn’t make the experience unbearable. He made her want to try new things.

  Reaching out, she ran the tips of her fingers across his hand where it lay on the gear stick.

  “My hands are a little cold,” she said.

  He released the gear stick and took hold of her hand, locking their fingers together. His hand was so warm.

  “I’ll keep you nice and warm.”

  Nerd squeezed her hand, and even though to some it wasn’t much, to her it was a small victory. Smiling, she stared out of the window.

  It was too soon for her when they pulled up in front of an Italian restaurant.
/>   “Call me stupid but I noticed how much you love pasta. Now, I know Italian food is more than spaghetti and meatballs, but it’s a good place to start.”

  “I love Italian food. This is a good place to come to.”

  He released her hand, telling her to wait there. Nerd handed over his keys to the valet and helped her out. The restaurant was high end, and she saw the extravagance of the place.

  “This looks fancy.”

  “It’ll be okay.” He led them toward the maître d. They were escorted to the table, and she was much more relieved when Nerd took over, pulling out her chair.

  “I can do that.” Nerd helped her into the chair and took the seat opposite her. Hannah was sure she saw a celebrity couple in the corner, but she couldn’t be sure.

  She took the menu, thanking the man, and then they were alone. “So much to pick from,” she said.

  “I want you to enjoy every second of this.”

  She nodded, taking a deep breath.

  “You want some wine?”

  She shook her head. “Alcohol and the anxiety pills I’m on don’t mix.”

  “That’s okay, baby. It’s water and soda for us tonight. Besides, if you wanted to drink, you know we’d let you, and not tell the law.”

  She felt herself flush at his endearment and giggle at his comment. “You don’t seem like the water and soda kind of guy.”

  He chuckled. “I’m not, but for you I can be whatever, Hannah.”

  Her heart beat a little faster at hearing him say those words. If she hadn’t already fallen for Nerd, she would have at this exact moment.

  Chapter Ten

  They’d stayed at the restaurant for two hours, and as much as she thought it would be weird going on a date, it was actually really nice. Hannah couldn’t deny she enjoyed spending that time with Nerd. Even if he wasn’t the type of man who was sweet and soft, being with him made her feel like everything would be okay. Nerd was hard, unforgiving, strong and powerful. He was frightening to the ones who were smart enough to fear him. Above all she knew he was loyal, truthful, and would protect what he cared about at all costs.

  And he cares about me, I know that.

  They’d gone back to the clubhouse, and even though she assumed the night was over with, she really didn’t want it to be. She stared at him backed by the glow from the floodlight on the clubhouse causing a gleam to move over the Harleys parked in a row.

  “Thank you for tonight.” She smiled didn’t know what else to say or do and went to turn to head back into the clubhouse. But he reached out and took hold of her hand. Hannah looked over her shoulder at him, surprise filling her.

  “Come with me for a ride,” Nerd said. He pulled them away from the front doors and to where his motorcycle was parked. “We’ll change, of course, but I just want to spend more time with you.”

  She wanted to be with him so badly, but she was also afraid of not being able to be “normal” ever again. It was like standing on the edge of a cliff, looking over at the bottomless pit beneath her and knowing the slightest breeze could have her falling over the ledge.

  “A ride? Where would we go?” Her heart was thundering, and everything in her body was alive right now. The smell of him, strong, masculine, with a hint of spicy cologne, made the feminine part of her long to touch him, to be with him. But she was afraid of her own issues screwing this up.

  “We can go anywhere you want. We can just drive around and take in the scenery. Hell, Hannah, I just want to be with you a little longer. I’m not ready for the night to end.”

  “I don’t want the night to end either,” she said softly, seeing him move another step closer. He stopped when he was a foot from her, his big body taking up the scene behind him. He was tall, at least six and a half feet, and his body...God, his body, so big, muscular, and all those tattoos covering him, made her needy, aroused. She hadn’t felt desire in so long, and Nerd had been the only man that had made her feel this way, even before she’d been taken.

  It was exciting but also frightening, and it was that fear that had her taking a step back. All she could think about, see, feel, was Nerd. What was it about him that made her feel like this?

  “Don’t tell me you don’t feel this connection between us, Hannah,” Nerd said and lowered his gaze to her mouth. “I knew you did. I felt it when you kissed me, when I touched you.”

  She licked her lips, as if him looking at them made her suddenly aware of their presence. It was so strange feeling this kind of heat, arousal. A part of her told her she shouldn’t even want this because of what she’d been through, but she couldn’t care about that right now. All she could think about, feel, was Nerd.

  If you don’t move forward, you might not know what you could have between the two of you.

  “Just tell me that this isn’t just me,” he said, lifting his hand and touching her cheek.

  She didn’t move away, and in fact felt herself lean into his touch. It felt so good. He felt so good. His fingers were rough, calloused from doing manual labor. He felt like a man and made her feel so very feminine.

  “Just tell me that you want me as fucking badly as I want you, and that nothing matters aside from that.”

  God, she did want that, did want to say that. But she was also afraid, not of Nerd but of herself.

  “I do feel something, Nerd.”

  He continued to stare at her. Everything from his tattoos to the scruff around his cheeks called to the very feminine part of her.

  “You don’t have to be afraid anymore. I won’t ever let anything hurt you,” he said softly. He took a step closer. “You have no idea how much you mean to me, Hannah.”

  Her heart plummeted to her stomach, but it was the good kind of drop, the real kind. If she was going to do this, then she was going to jump in with both feet and hold on tight. “Okay, let’s go for a ride.”

  Chapter Eleven

  “What do I wear to go on a bike?” Hannah asked.

  Amy was sitting on her bed. Thankfully, Amy hadn’t disappeared for the night with Joker. She didn’t know where Amy’s man was, but his loss was her gain.

  “Wear jeans—it’s much easier to climb on and off the bike without showing yourself off.”

  “Right, I hadn’t thought about that. I’m so nervous.”

  “Is Nerd pressuring you?”

  Turning to face Amy, she shook her head. “No, I’m not under any kind of pressure. Nerd’s not like that.”

  Amy held her hands up. “That’s fine.”

  Opening her wardrobe, Hannah grabbed a pair of jeans that were a little loose and wouldn’t be uncomfortable. She went into the bathroom to change, not wanting to give Amy a show. After she was dressed, she went back into her bedroom, and Amy nodded. “Perfect.”

  “It’s fine?”

  “More than fine, Hannah. You’re a beautiful woman.”

  “Thank you.” Hannah gritted her teeth as her cheeks started to heat once again. Why couldn’t she control herself? Instead she kept lighting up like a damn neon sign just attracting attention.

  Grabbing a jacket, she headed toward the door with Amy close behind her. “I really appreciate you helping me.”

  “That’s fine. I like to help. I remember dating Joker and feeling all over the place. You’re not alone.”

  Nerd was already waiting for her at the front door.

  “Are you ready, princess?” he asked.

  “Yes, I’m ready.” She got this warm feeling when he called her endearments.

  “Amy,” Nerd said.

  “Nerd.” Amy smiled at both of them. “Have a nice time.”

  She followed Nerd out to his bike. Her heart racing as they approached the motorcycle. He handed her a helmet. “Put this on.”

  “Won’t it ruin the feel of the ride?” she asked.

  “I want you safe, Hannah. I don’t want to put you at risk.”

  Hannah had never ridden a bike before. Nerd straddled the machine, and after putting the helmet on, she climbed on
behind him.

  “You’re going to have to hold me.”

  Wrapping her arms around his waist, she felt a fluttering between her thighs. The engine started up, and she got a thrill from the hum of the machine. She squealed as he took off. He wasn’t going particularly fast, but she wished she didn’t have the helmet on so she could feel the wind in her hair.

  She trusted Nerd completely.

  He rode out of town, moving between cars, and even leaning over to round a corner. Hannah mirrored each of his movements, following him without stress.

  Hannah didn’t know for how long they were riding before he pulled up at a lake. He slowed the bike down to a stop and turned off the engine. “We’re here.”

  Climbing off the bike, she reached out to steady herself as her legs nearly gave out.

  “Where are we?”

  “A little lake that has been deserted and allowed to flourish. I believe some men come out on the weekends to fish. It’s where I come to think.” He took the helmet, securing it to his bike.

  “What about school kids?”

  “None come here. There’s some kind of tale about a wrongly accused woman haunting the woods.”

  “Seriously?”

  He nodded and grinned. “True story.” He winked. “She was wrongly accused by another woman of witchcraft. They tied her up and tossed her into the lake. The woman who accused her married the man that was destined for the ‘witch.’ A few years later, the woman died of drowning.”

  “That’s so not true.”

  He chuckled. “It is, or at least the tale that is told is true. I don’t know. I’ve been here many times, and no one has tried to drown me.”

  Hannah grabbed his hand tightly. “That really wasn’t funny.”

  “Don’t worry, I was kidding.”

  She pulled back. “What?”

  Nerd laughed. “Kids go parking up the creek over there. I wouldn’t bring you here if it wasn’t safe, ghosts or not.”

  “You ... horrible man.” She started laughing softly.

  “What? It got you to hold my hand.”

  When she made to pull away, he wouldn’t let her. She wasn’t afraid. The way he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close, made her feel ... things. She didn’t know exactly what she felt. Each new sensation that he was inspiring inside her, she didn’t understand.