Hurts So Good Read online

  “Hey, are you okay?” Celine moved to stand beside her, and the concern on her face was tangible. “You look like you’re going to throw up.” Jane sure as hell felt like it, too.

  “I’m good, just some old stuff brought back up.” The sun was already starting to set, and she looked down at the number and address once again. Her fingers itched to call him, to hear his voice because it had been so damn long since she had, but instead she mumbled something to Celine about needing to go, grabbed her purse, and headed outside. She’d have to head home first since Graison was heading back to Colton today, but she needed to change into something more comfortable. There was no doubt in her mind that the conversation she had with Mack would be a long one. Besides, she desperately needed to see him, talk to him face-to-face. Maybe calling would have been the smart thing to do, the safe thing, but Jane was sick of playing it safe, was sick of holding herself back because she was afraid. She should have never let the distance, literal and figurative, come between them, but fear was a strong, persistent bitch.

  She headed outside, got in her car, and drove to her parents’ house. There was so much she had to do: unpack her belongings in her new place, start her new position come Monday, figure out a way to let Graison know she just couldn’t be with him any longer without having it end in this big heart breaking explosion, and figure out what she was going to do about Mack. Despite all of those things being important, all she could think about was the last. She pulled into her parents’ driveway and saw Graison coming out of the house with his suitcase. The moving van was gone, and she had to assume her father and Graison had taken it back already since she unloaded the last of her things into her condo early this morning. She still had her suitcase at her parents’ place, but tomorrow she planned on unpacking things at her condo and trying to get situated. Graison stopped and waved at her. His smile was brilliant, and she felt like such a bitch over the fact that she was going to break it off with him.

  Maybe you don’t have to. Maybe you can work through it, sit down with him and tell Graison what it is you feel like you’re missing? Yeah, she could, but the end result was still the same, and her feelings wouldn’t change. But how could she end their relationship when he was heading back? This prolonging things was all Jane’s fault. She should have ended it back in Colton, but God, she still cared for him as a friend, had given two years of her life to him, and she didn’t want to hurt him any more than she was sure was inevitable.

  She opened her door and climbed out, and of course he was right there grabbing the extra things out of her arms so she didn’t have to carry them. “How was the office? Everything coming together?”

  “Yeah. Now all that is left is to open the front doors come Monday.” She smiled, and he pushed her hair off her shoulder. He leaned down and kissed her before she could stop him. It just felt awkward and wrong almost because her feelings were elsewhere. She pulled back, and this strange look crossed his face for a second before he schooled his features. They both headed up to the porch and took the steps up to the front door. “Are you leaving already?” She turned and eyed the suitcase he set by the garage. She had planned on taking him back to Colton since he drove the moving van up and left his car, but it was clear he was planning on leaving tonight. Why else would he bring his bag out?

  “Listen, I was actually just about to call you before you pulled in. Seems like Dennis is lost without me at the office, and got himself into a bit of a jam with some numbers. Mitchell is visiting some family in Fairview, so he’s only about thirty minutes away. He’s just going to swing by and pick me up.” He looked down at his watch. “In fact he should be here any minute. It was so sudden that I feel so rushed.” He gave her a sympathetic smile and set her things he held on the porch swing and pulled her in for a hug. “I’m sorry, honey. I wanted to take you out for dinner before I left, but I’ll come back up next weekend, make sure I have something really romantic planned for you. How does that sound?” He pushed her hair off her shoulder again, and Jane smiled, reminding herself that this was the opening she needed to try to work things out—if she really did want to see if things between them could be salvaged. How could they fix anything if she didn’t tell him what was bothering her? She opened her mouth, maybe to tell him that him coming up next weekend wasn’t the best thing, or maybe to tell him that she had all these turbulent feelings inside of her. But before she could say anything Graison was talking again. “I’ll call you later on.” And as if on cue a light blue Corolla pulled up to the curb and sat there idling.

  He gave her one more long hug, and the moment he pulled back the sound of tires squealing sounded. A dark SUV took off down the road until she couldn’t see it anymore.

  “I’ll call you tonight, okay?” He kissed her once more and headed toward the Corolla. The car pulled away from the curb and headed down the street. Yeah, clearly things couldn’t be easy, but then again she felt like she was in some kind of triangle of emotion where Graison and Mack were concerned.

  ****

  What the fuck was Mack thinking showing up to her parents’ house again after her dad told him Jane would contact him if she wanted to talk? He had only been sitting on the other side of the street in front of her parents’ house when he saw her pull up in a silver Accord. He had been contemplating just leaving, and not making her uncomfortable with his persistence. There weren’t any doubts that Darryn had told her he called, and he should have left well enough alone. But he didn’t, and certainly couldn’t. So, he had this internal debate on whether to stay or leave, but before he could decide it seemed fate had intervened when she showed up. His heart had stopped, and he swore the fucking world tilted on its axis when he got that first look at her through the driver’s side window. She looked the same, but obviously more mature. Even from the distance he could tell she still had that long honey blonde hair that he loved. But then some asshat had met her by her car door, and every territorial instinct inside of him had gone on alert, which really, was a pretty dumb thing given the fact he had no claim on her. But it felt like knife went right through his damn heart when the too perfect asshole had pushed her hair off her shoulder in a very intimate manner, and kissed the lips Mac had kissed many times before, and still dreamed about kissing to this day. Mack had to force himself to leave, because if he didn’t he would have climbed out of his vehicle, charged forward, and kicked the prick’s ass. He knew he hadn’t gotten over Jane, not in the slightest, but seeing another guy touch her so intimately set fire to his blood and made him crazy.

  His phone vibrated, and when he saw it was Taylor, another fighter from the training center, he tossed it onto the seat beside him. They were supposed to head over to an underground match tonight, but Mack was feeling way too fucking volatile to be in anyone’s company, and Taylor liked to push buttons for the mere amusement of seeing another person being pissed off. His phone chirped with a text, but Mack turned on the satellite radio, and found the angriest music he could stand. It got his blood pumping, but it didn’t calm him down. Instead he grew angrier, more violent, and wanted to beat someone’s ass. Tonight wouldn’t be about letting another guy land some hits on him to numb his pain. Tonight would be about him doing what his reputation was known for: knocking a motherfucker out with one hit.

  ****

  Jane pulled into the gravel driveway of the small house on the outskirts of town. It was out in the middle of nowhere, and aside from two large lilac bushes on either side of the porch, there were no other flowers or outdoor decorations. The trees that surrounded the house lent to privacy, but then again she hadn’t seen another house on this road the ten minutes it had taken her to drive to Mack’s home. There wasn’t a garage, and no vehicle to be seen. Maybe the car was in the back? She turned off her car and climbed out, and when her door shut the sound bounced off the trees and seemed to echo for miles. The scent of lilacs assaulted her senses when she took the first few steps up to the porch. She stopped, reached out, and grabbed a thin branch. The tiny purple flowers dotting the length felt velvety under her fingertips. Emotion threatened to have her crying because she knew what these lilacs represented. She remembered the numerous light purple bushes that had lined the front of Mack’s mother’s home. They had been Mila’s favorite, and even all these years later Jane remembered every time she spent time at the Draykovichs’ when she smelled lilacs. It was a painful memory, but had her smiling because it was also a happy one. She wouldn’t cry though, even if they would have been happy tears. There was no way these bushes being here was a coincidence.

  Taking a deep, steadying breath, she let her hand drop to her side and moved toward the front door. She knocked on it twice, took a step back, and never imagined she would ever be this nervous to see Mack. But God, she felt like passing out. When there was no answer she knocked again, but the sound of a car pulling onto the gravel driveway had her turning around. A truck pulled in behind her car. Dusk was already setting in, and she wasn’t able to see through the windshield who the driver was, but whoever it was, it wasn’t Mack, that much she could tell. They didn’t turn off the engine when they opened the door, and the man that got out and started walking toward her at a brisk pace had a sliver of fear moving through her. The guy was a beast, tall and muscular, and the blue tipped Mohawk and eye and lip piercing didn’t do anything to soften his appearance. He stopped when he saw her, as if she were the one to startle him.

  “Oh, hey.” He started moving toward her again and stood when only the porch steps separated them. He eyed her up and down, and she crossed her arms over her chest, feeling very much naked in front of him. “You, uh, one of Mack’s Chasers?” He cocked a brow and leaned against the side of the house.

  “Chaser?”

  He smirked, but it was just a lift to the corner of his mouth. “You must be new to the whole scene. Listen, my boy inside?” He took the few steps quickly and moved past her to pound his closed hand on the wood. Resting his arm on the doorframe and turning his head only enough that he could see her, he gave her another look. “Must not be here.” He knitted his brows again. “He say for you to meet him here or something?”

  “I, uh, he had stopped by earlier.” She didn’t mention the fact they hadn’t spoken, or exactly what she was to Mack, but she didn’t know this guy, and even if he seemed to be well acquainted with Mack she didn’t feel comfortable having a conversation about him when he wasn’t here. He moved past her, down the steps, and started making his way back toward his idling truck. He stopped when he reached the driver’s side door and looked at her. He pulled out his cell, dialed a number, and brought it to his ear. Whoever he called clearly didn’t answer since after several seconds he hung up without leaving message.

  “Dammit. He must be in a foul mood to just bail on me like this and not answer his phone.” He was quiet for a moment, and she could see him thinking. “Well, since it seems you missed him, too, you can follow me to the warehouse.” He opened the door, but when he noticed she hadn’t moved he stopped. “Oh, yeah, I’m Taylor, by the way. I train with Mack.” He lifted his eyebrow again when she didn’t respond. He sighed, and moved away from the door to hold up his fists. She took a step back, and he chuckled. He started throwing punches into the air. “We work out, train, you know? Anyways, if you wanna see Mack then you have to keep up, girlie.” He eyed her for a moment and grinned. “You act funny for a Chaser.”

  “I’m not a Chaser—whatever the hell that is. I’m an old friend from a long time ago.”

  “No shit? Huh.” He had already turned around before she could say anything else. He was in his truck with the door shut before she even took a step. She grabbed her cell, pulled up Mack’s number she had programmed into her address book, and pushed past her nervousness and hit “CALL”. It rang several times before a generic robotic voice picked up for his voicemail, but Jane didn’t bother leaving a message. The sound of Taylor’s radio blasting came through loud and annoying, but then he rolled down his window and stuck his head out. “You wanna see Mack, or not?” He drummed his fingers on the side of the door, and she moved toward her car. Yeah, she did want to see Mack, but could always wait until tomorrow, or the next day. But she knew she wouldn’t wait, because she wanted to see him, talk to him, and hell, hear his voice that badly. Maybe she should call him? No, she wanted a face-to-face, and so she was going to follow some stranger that looked like he could tear her in half, and had a weird sense of humor, because she was that desperate to see Mack.

  She slid into the driver’s seat of her car, grabbed her cell out of her purse, and set it in her lap in case she needed it. She reached under her seat to make sure she still had the Rugar LCP .380, the handgun her dad had insisted she get when she turned twenty-one, and only after she knew how to safely use it. She felt the butt of it, and that always had a spear of safety washing through her. She might not be all about guns, but she couldn’t deny that it made her feel like she could take care of a threat that came at her. After she straightened and pulled out of the driveway, she followed Taylor, and soon they passed out of Absinthe. But she had already been only a few minutes from the city lines since Mack lived on the outskirts of town. They drove for about twenty minutes until they got to the industrial section of Stadaleen, one that had been abandoned years before, and her hesitation increased. The old buildings stood on either side of her, with broken out windows and only the moonlight to create any kind of light. Taylor pulled his truck into a cracked and pothole-laden parking lot, and she would have been worried he was leading her to her death if not for the fact there were a lot of other cars parked, and people piling out of them. Their excitement was tangible, but they kept their voices low. She parked beside Taylor’s truck, reached under her seat for her handgun, and shoved it in her purse. No way in hell was she going to go in there, wherever there was, unarmed.

  Chapter Five

  Mack could hear the shouts from the crowd right outside the door, and swore the damn walls shook from how forceful it was. Tanner, the guy that set up Mack’s fights, made sure he got paid from them, and also someone he considered a friend, was going over the statistics of his opponent, but Mack’s mind wasn’t focusing on what Tanner was saying. He braced his elbows on his thighs and tapped his foot as impatience, adrenalin, and endorphins slammed into him, moved through his bloodstream, and revved him up even further. He cracked his knuckles, rolled his head on his neck, and straightened in the chair. The sound of his phone vibrating in his bag was getting on his fucking nerves. He knew it was Taylor, but he didn’t have time to hear him bitch about how he had left without him. He should have turned the damn thing off, but talking on his phone was really the last thing on his mind. The air in the basement of this abandoned warehouse was dank and cold, but even in only a pair of track shorts Mack was hot. His blood was pumping something fierce through his veins.

  “Mack, are you even listening to me?” He looked over at Tanner, who was all but in his face. “You need to hear about the guy you’re up against.”

  “I don’t need to hear anything. This will be a quick fight.”

  Tanner exhaled loudly and threw his hands up in the air. “Dammit. I hate when you fight in such a fucked up mood. Knocking these assholes out so fast makes people scared to bet against you, and that blows in the end when money is being passed around and the underdog wins at the last second.” Tanner was still running at the mouth, but Mack had since tuned him out. Yeah, he knew that knocking guys out with one hit didn’t help things when it came to cashing in. Bidders tended to get skittish in betting against Mack if they knew what he could do, but there was always the opposite effect to that, too. But did Mack give a fuck? No. He needed this. He needed to hurt someone as much as he was hurting right now, and feeling his fist slam into another asshole’s face and body would sure as hell make him feel better. One of the reasons Mack had decided to fight in the underground circuit was because of the lack of rules. There was no tape or gloves protecting knuckles, no head gear or safety equipment. Hell, the only thing they wore was track shorts. This was raw, unhinged, and bloody as fuck. Bones broke, people could die, did die in fact, and there was no one to stop them. It was dangerous as fuck, but everyone going into the cage knew that before they agreed to participate. The money was good for the winners, and was incentive for a lot of guys that didn’t know what they were doing. Underground fighting was also one hell of a thrill, and it allowed Mack to let off the anger and ugliness that festered inside of him on a daily basis.

  “Dude, at least put on a show, make them think this is one of the times you just want to get your ass handed to you.” Tanner was a friend, but he also was in this game for the money. Mack didn’t bother telling him that this was his fight, and he would handle it the way he wanted to, because the look he gave the other man had him raising his hands in defeat, letting out a string of curse words, and turning toward the door. He opened it, spoke to someone right on the other side, and then closed it again. “It’s a full house out there tonight, and the money’s rolling in.” Mack was all about getting paid for these fights, but tonight he couldn’t care less. He wanted to knock someone’s head off, didn’t care if they got severely hurt in the process, and was more than ready to have the opponents lining up. He could go all night, and that was his intention until he was too exhausted and he crashed for the next twelve hours. He just kept seeing that image of Jane kissing that fuckwad, over and over again, until his knuckles ached from clenching his hands so hard, and he was ready to get in the cage. He stood, flexed his arms, and bounced on the balls of his feet.

  “Let’s just get this shit rolling.” Mack ground his teeth and glared at Tanner when it looked like he might say something. “You worry about the fucking money and who is going in the cage with me, and I’ll worry about the fucking rest. Sound good?” He said the last part in a hard tone, and it was a rhetorical question because he sure as fuck didn’t expect an answer.